Temple Square for Rebecca

Hey all, I finally went through the pictures I took on Temple Square. I tried to take some good shots for Rebecca since she won't be seeing the lights first-hand and they are a Christmas staple... well, in Utah anyway.

I thought I would try my hand at a little slide show presentation, so I'm crossing my fingers that this works. If not, I uploaded the pictures to my flickr page, so you can view them all there.

(The video is about 4 minutes long.) Enjoy!



Here are a few of the pictures I like the best:

My Christmas Testimony

For behold, I say unto you there be many things to come; and behold, there is one thing which is of more importance than they all—for behold, the time is not far distant that the Redeemer liveth and cometh among his people. (Alma 7:7)

And behold, this will I give unto you for a sign at the time of his coming; for behold, there shall be great lights in heaven, insomuch that in the night before he cometh there shall be no darkness, insomuch that it shall appear unto man as if it was day.
And behold, there shall a new star arise, such an one as ye never have beheld; and this also shall be a sign unto you. (Helaman 14:3, 5)

And it came to pass that I looked and beheld the great city of Jerusalem, and also other cities. And I beheld the city of Nazareth; and in the city of Nazareth I beheld a virgin, and she was exceedingly fair and white.
And it came to pass that I saw the heavens open; and an angel came down and stood before me; and he said unto me: Nephi, what beholdest thou?
And I said unto him: A virgin, most beautiful and fair above all other virgins.
And he said unto me: Knowest thou the condescension of God?
And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.
And he said unto me: Behold, the virgin whom thou seest is the mother of the Son of God, after the manner of the flesh.
And it came to pass that I beheld that she was carried away in the Spirit; and after she had been carried away in the Spirit for the space of a time the angel spake unto me, saying: Look!
And I looked and beheld the virgin again, bearing a child in her arms. (1 Nephi 11:13-20)

And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. (Luke 2:6-14)

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder; and his name shall be called, Wonderful, Counselor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. (2 Nephi 19:6)

And the angel said unto me again: Look and behold the condescension of God!
And I looked and beheld the Redeemer of the world, of whom my father had spoken; and I also beheld the prophet who should prepare the way before him. And the Lamb of God went forth and was baptized of him; and after he was baptized, I beheld the heavens open, and the Holy Ghost come down out of heaven and abide upon him in the form of a dove.
And I beheld that he went forth ministering unto the people, in power and great glory; and the multitudes were gathered together to hear him; and I beheld that they cast him out from among them.
And he spake unto me again, saying: Look! And I looked, and I beheld the Lamb of God going forth among the children of men. And I beheld multitudes of people who were sick, and who were afflicted with all manner of diseases, and with devils and unclean spirits; and the angel spake and showed all these things unto me. And they were healed by the power of the Lamb of God; and the devils and the unclean spirits were cast out.
And it came to pass that the angel spake unto me again, saying: Look! And I looked and beheld the Lamb of God, that he was taken by the people; yea, the Son of the everlasting God was judged of the world; and I saw and bear record.
And I, Nephi, saw that he was lifted up upon the cross and slain for the sins of the world. (1 Nephi 11:26-33)

Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands. (1 Nephi 21:16)

And it came to pass that the Lord of the vineyard wept, and said unto the servant: What could I have done more for my vineyard? (Jacob 5:41)

And it shall come to pass that whosoever shall believe on the Son of God, the same shall have everlasting life.
And if ye believe on his name ye will repent of all your sins, that thereby ye may have a remission of them through his merits.
And behold, again, another sign I give unto you, yea, a sign of his death.
For behold, he surely must die that salvation may come; yea, it behooveth him and becometh expedient that he dieth, to bring to pass the resurrection of the dead, that thereby men may be brought into the presence of the Lord.
Yea, behold, this death bringeth to pass the resurrection, and redeemeth all mankind from the first death—that spiritual death; for all mankind, by the fall of Adam being cut off from the presence of the Lord, are considered as dead, both as to things temporal and to things spiritual.
But behold, the resurrection of Christ redeemeth mankind, yea, even all mankind, and bringeth them back into the presence of the Lord. (Helaman 14:8, 13-17)

And nothing can save this people save it be repentance and faith on the Lord Jesus Christ, who surely shall come into the world, and shall suffer many things and shall be slain for his people.
And behold, an angel of the Lord hath declared it unto me, and he did bring glad tidings to my soul. (Helaman 13:6-7)

How Can We Increase Our Love of God?
Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “The Love of God,” Ensign, Nov 2009, 21–24
“Since “God is love,” the closer we approach Him, the more profoundly we experience love. But because a veil separates this mortality from our heavenly home, we must seek in the Spirit that which is imperceptible to mortal eyes.
Heaven may seem distant at times, but the scriptures offer hope: “Ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.”
However, seeking God with all our hearts implies much more than simply offering a prayer or pronouncing a few words inviting God into our lives. “For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments.” We can make a great production of saying that we know God. We can proclaim publicly that we love Him. Nevertheless, if we don’t obey Him, all is in vain, for “he that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him.”
We increase our love for our Heavenly Father and demonstrate that love by aligning our thoughts and actions with God’s word. His pure love directs and encourages us to become more pure and holy. It inspires us to walk in righteousness—not out of fear or obligation but out of an earnest desire to become even more like Him because we love Him. By doing so, we can become “born again … [and] cleansed by blood, even the blood of [the] Only Begotten; that [we] might be sanctified from all sin, and enjoy the words of eternal life in this world, and eternal life in the world to come, even immortal glory.”

And the angel said unto me: Behold the Lamb of God, yea, even the Son of the Eternal Father! Knowest thou the meaning of the tree which thy father saw?
And I answered him, saying: Yea, it is the love of God, which sheddeth itself abroad in the hearts of the children of men; wherefore, it is the most desirable above all things.
And he spake unto me, saying: Yea, and the most joyous to the soul. (1 Nephi 11:21-23)

The burning bush pic...

I just love this shot, so thought I would share. More to come...

Well, I'm glad THAT'S over!!

So I am done with choir. It was both a tough and rewarding experience (insert cheesy spiritual lesson comment here).

But I am glad it's over. It added a lot of stress and I really felt like I was sacrificing time I needed to do other things. One big one, is exercise. I feel like Pizza the Hut (Shout out Spaceballs fans!!!)! I realized that exercising is going to have to be more of a priority for me than it has been. It's been important, but not necessarily a priority. I really want 2010 to be the year that make some self-improvements that I should have made a long time ago.

I had forgotten how much I like performing and then hearing the applause - it's very satisfying. I had never performed in the Assembly Hall on Temple Square before and I reall liked it. Actually, I'm not sure I had ever been IN the Assembly Hall before. So that was fun.

It was totally crowded, but I think I got some good pictures of the lights on Temple Square. I need to review them all and post them to Flikr - so be watching for that!

I just re-read what I wrote and I feel like I'm having an "it was neat," moment. Is that the line from Sleepless in Seattle, when she's reading the letter from Jonah that she thinks is really his dad, so it sounds totally remedial for an adult to be writing...? Or maybe she said, "you sound neat." Anyway, you get my point. I like blogging. Blogging is neat...

The Arch

So I did a dumb thing and volunteered to have my picture taken at work. (Note to self: fine print is fine for a reason... they WANT you to not read it!) They said they were putting together a presentation and needed some photos of work-setting situations and expressions. I think I have an expressive face. I have been taught to share talents. Hence, my volunteering.

So, we did a few casual shots and then they said, "do suspiciously confused." Now, it's quite natural for me to whip out The Arch, so this was not difficult instruction. But I forget that not everyone has yet been exposed to The Arch. When they saw it, it took a moment for them to realize what they were seeing. Then the camera flash starting going off, take after take after take! They had flipped over The Arch. Long shots, close-ups, head-shots, you name it, they did it. And I was on top of my game. I couldn't take a bad picture; not with the Arch; it's impossible.

Afterward, I didn't feel that I had simply done my civic duty in supporting my co-workers in the development of superior training materials, so much as give them a gift. The gift of the Arch. Which I've just now decided to re-name The Blue Magnum Arch.

Now, there were only a few of us in the room that day and I know some of you skeptics may be asking, "Oh yeah? Prove it." Well I can't... at least not with the photos they took. You see I signed a little waiver (more fine print! curses!). But I have a camera of my own and, while I'm not a professional photographer, I've done my best to recapture The Blue Steel Arch. Thus, here is my gift to you:


p.s. some details may have been embellished and/or fabricated for purely entertainment purposes.

Random Topics Post: Change, Snow, Singing

Wow, I can't believe I haven't posted anything for so long! I put the ME in LAME! :)

CHANGE
I've been thinking a lot about change. I guess it's an appropriate time of year for that. I was at a Stake Conference where one of the members of the Seventy (I think it was Elder Snow) was talking about three different "levels" of Christmas that he had noticed. The first being the fun of presents and Santa and carols, etc. The second being the quiet reflection of the Savior's birth, the hymns (not just Christmas songs, but hymns) that reflect the nature of why we celebrate Christmas. The third being looking at the full mission of the Savior. Not just knowing that he was born, but WHY he was born. I was really struck by that and it got me thinking about how the Savior's mission, or his gift, is really all about change.

Because of the Savior's Atonement, I can change. That's a pretty powerful thing to me and one I don't appreciate often enough. The irony to me is that His gift remains effectual throughout this life. In other words, the Atonement is the gift of change that never changes. It's always available to us. I love that. I need it, more often than I am willing to admit.

That doesn't make it easy though. Change is hard. I guess that's why it's so important.

SNOW
Okay, enough serious stuff. We had a huge snowstorm about a week ago and I got a picture of one of our picnic tables at work:



I thought that was bad, then someone sent me a picture of their backyard patio in Kearns - YIKES:



I hate snow sometimes. Don't get me wrong, it's pretty and we need the water, but dang! I guess I mostly just hate driving in it. I learned how to drive in the snow just before I got my license, but while I as on my mission I almost ran off a mountain road in icy conditions and ever since then I've been freaked out at driving in it.

I actually cancelled a Home Teaching appointment today, because I was so worried about it. I hope they can forgive me!!

SINGING
I'm glad I got to sing in church today. I sang in a quartet with some truly talented brothers and felt like I kept throwing them off. I was feeling kind of bad about it, but then decided that 1) They are way too nice to make me feel bad about it, and 2) if I was really that terrible, then they won't ask me to sing again, right? I have to say, though, for as unprepared as I felt, I really think it went okay. I feel good about the effort I put into it and I'm glad got to be a part of the program. Everyone did such a great job - I'm amazed at the talent we have in our ward.

Speaking of performing...
I just realized that I have only a week left until our concerts. I am really not ready. I thought I would be, but I'm kind of nervous. I joined the Salt Lake Symphonic Choir about a month ago, which was halfway through their winter rehearsal schedule. So basically, I was only beginning to learn the music when everyone else was starting to memorize! Now I'm not so sure joining when I did was such a good idea. I've enjoyed it, but performing makes me nervous.

Wish me luck!

p.s. for those of you who wanted to know:
Saturday, December 19, 2009 @ St. Thomas More Catholic Church (3015 Creek Road
Sandy, UT 84093-6575), starts at 8:00pm
Sunday, December 20, 2009 @ Assembly Hall on Temple Square, starts at 8:30pm
(Both concerts are free.)

Not a lost cause...

I've learned something about myself recently. I thought I was a lost cause. I'm not sure I know how to describe what I mean by that, but I want to try.

I thought that when the Lord makes something, He makes it the way He wants it and our task is to either accept it or reject it. Take, as an example, the Plan of Salvation. He presented this plan to us and said we had a choice: We could accept it, or reject it; it was up to us to choose.

Somehow, I learned that this concept applies to me. Heavenly Father made me the way that I am, and I can either accept it, or reject it. As a result of this, I have never really accepted myself. I never really found myself acceptable; I have too many faults, too many weaknesses, too many sins, etc. I've never been comfortable with myself, and as I went out into the world, I found that I was not acceptable to the world either. The world doesn't treat people like me kindly - being overweight is not something that people just "overlook" and for years, I was reminded of that daily - how different and unacceptable I was. I believed others because I thought they were re-affirming what I already new to be true. But over the past couple of years, realizing that the fruit of self-loathing has not led to change or happiness, I've been trying to accept myself - all of myself, the good and the bad. It's been a very difficult challenge and some days are better than others.

Every time I exercise I feel ashamed and embarrassed. That may sound weird to some people. I have never known why I feel that way, but I interpreted that to mean that I was doing something wrong by exercising. I felt that Heavenly Father did not want me to exercise, because He wants me to accept myself the way I am. In other words, "God made me this way, and I can either accept it or reject it." The only problem with that, is that I don't want to "accept" being overweight. How can he ask me to accept something I hate so much and which is, in reality, bad for me. It's not healthy to be overweight and it negatively effects every area of my life. Nevertheless, I have tried to do just that - just accept me for who I am right now. It hasn't been easy.

As I pondered why I would feel embarrassed and ashamed of doing something good for myself a phrase came to my mind that gave me understanding. The phrase was, "...because it's too late for me." Meaning I could try to lose weight if I wanted, but it wasn't really going to work, because I am the way God made me and it's too late for me to do anything about it. In essence I told myself that I was defeated before I even began to try. Well no wonder I felt ashamed and embarrassed - I felt guilt for wanting to change something that was already "written in stone." Other phrases came to mind, "lost cause," "too late to change," "no use," etc.

I was so grateful for that understanding, because for the first time in my life, I was able to question that belief and ask myself, why would I feel that I was a lost cause? It stems from the belief that Heavenly Father made me this way and I can either accept it or not. If I accepted it, then that would mean that I have to accept myself the way "God made me," and that I could not change it! Or, if I rejected it, then I was rejecting my Heavenly Father - either way, I lose.

But I am NOT a lost cause. It is NOT too late for me to change. Change is the nature of why I am here. I still think it's important to accept myself, but it's just as important to accept that I have the need and the opportunity to change, as much as it is to accept me for who I am.

I really do know that I am a child of God and he made me the way that I am... as a place to start!! I am not a lost cause after all; I am able and still have time to change. It is not too late for me... The Atonement is what gives me a chance to change and I can utilize it every single day. Change may not happen overnight, but it can happen daily, little by little. And that I can accept!

Humbled...

It's been a long time (that I can recall anyway) since I've been humbled by a prayer.

As the world increases in confusion and turmoil, there are increasing less things that consistently bring comfort and peace. One of those things is prayer. If I could give my children only one gift for them to guide their lives, it would be to teach them the power of sincere prayer. I felt it again tonight at my home teaching appointment.

Without knowing how, I begin to believe that power in prayer is related to sincerity, not so much vocabulary. You could use all of the most wonderful words you could think of when praying, but if you pray without sincerity, it means nothing. Even halting, un-eloquent speech can be turned to virtual music, in a sincere petition to the Lord.

I know that Prayer comforts, lifts, calms, relieves and heals.

You think you know someone...

...and then you realize how little you actually know.

Take, for instance, the following example:

I recently learned that someone close to me, while a teenager, was kidnapped and held for ransom.

Okay, true, that's not something that will come up in casual conversation, but still, this person is CLOSE to me, meaning, I know pretty much everything about them... or at least I thought I did.

This person was held for two days by college kids who wanted concert tickets... so it's not like this was on par with, say, the Lindbergh Baby kidnapping, but still...

Makes me wonder what else I don't know...?

p.s. this is a really good example that illustrates why people should keep personal histories and, ironically, why I don't. Nothing that exciting ever happens to me!

Hard Week

Hello all, I've been somewhat silent on the blog-front; many reasons, which I won't go into. It's been a hard week. I am hoping next week will be a little brighter.

I was talking to a friend recently about the week I was having - someone I trust explicitly - and I was unusually honest. They said that listening to me describe my week was like I was describing a different person. They had always known me to be upbeat, positive, friendly, funny... pretty much the opposite of the way I described myself over the past week. That was actually a real eye-opener for me. I wondered how they could see me one way, yet I experience myself another - so much so that they felt I was talking about a completely different person.

It made me think about who I really am. I think I DO have two persona's, the one I present to the world and the one I "see in the mirror." I am ashamed to confess, they are not the same person.

I guess there are lots of reasons for this. I learned growing up that appearances were really important. It seemed to me that no matter what I was going through, the most important thing was that other people thought I was doing well. That taught me to sacrifice my own well-being for the sake of appearances. (This has turned out to be not such a good idea...)

I felt like people didn't REALLY want to know how I was doing. Asking someone, "How are you today?" is more of a social convention, rather than an honest inquiry into someone's well being. Think about it, when you ask someone how they are doing, do you want them to say, "Oh, I'm doing horrible today. I've had the worst thing happen to me...," or "I'm not doing very well today because..." Of course not. You want to be nice, to sound interested, but overall, you really don't want to hear about how bad someone's day is, it becomes mutually depressing. I'm all for avoiding depression, but then what do you do when you REALLY are having a crappy day? How do you answer honestly, while not totally dragging someone else down?

If you're me, you retreat. I love food and movies and sleep. These things don't judge you. They don't mind that you've had a bad day, they always welcome you with open arms. They provide comfort on some level. I know now that it's like trying to be comforted by a fog or a vapor... it seems substantial, but in reality isn't.

In some twisted way, I also feel like I have to be happy all the time (in public anyway) so as not to disappoint people. For the most part I have that "funny fat guy" reputation and for good reason - it worked. It made people comfortable around me and made them want to be friends with me, which is also what I wanted. But it comes with a price - I have to sacrifice the other part of myself which has bad days but won't be admitted. It's weird, but I think not being able to be honest with the fact that I do have bad days makes me feel like I'm negating a part of myself and consequently, effects everything else about my life. Like I'm not really living as a whole person. I don't know if that even makes sense or not. I'm not really able to describe it, I guess.

Even as I re-read this, as I'm writing, I'm fighting a tremendous urge to apologize for being SO honest.

Why am I being so honest now? I guess I'm trying to be different - to embrace the part of myself I usually shun. I guess I'm also hoping I'm not the only one who feels this way. It's tough putting how I really feel "out there," but if other people can relate, then it's nice to know I'm not alone.

Maybe I should start a support group for people who can't admit they have flaws...

Hello, my name is Micah Foster and I have bad days. I am not happy every second of every day. I am not always funny. I am not always smart. I am not always a good listener. I am not always smiling... And I am learning that I don't need to apologize for being human.

Sunday School Screamer

If I had not been there I would not have believed it.

We were having a wonderful lesson by our instructor, Erin Russell; the spirit was strong and everyone's comments were uplifting and appropriate. We were all enjoying the bask of the glow of peaceful contemplation when the five-minute warning bell rang out, shattering the quietude. Apparently, it was all too much for one young sister who, unable to contain her surprise, screamed out loud for full on twice as long as the bell rang. A brief moment to process what had happened so quickly and the class erupted in laughter. I tried to find the little banshee, but couldn't make out who she was.

I couldn't believe my ears, but I was there - I am a first-hand witness to the Sunday School Screamer. Maybe they should think about changing the sound of the bell...

Best. Sunday School. Ever.

The word is....

Anthropomorphize. That's the word that means giving human traits to non-human things!!

Back online!!!

Woohoo!!!

So, my computer crashed over a week ago - Thursday June 11th to be exact. (I now hate Thursday June 11th. Thursday June 11th is dead to me! I spit on you, Thursday June 11th!!! phthth!) I felt completely immobilized. Usually, when I come home from work, I'd tap the little power button and wait for it to boot up, then surf the net for the rest of the evening. After it crashed, I came home and was lost. I was like,"what am I supposed to do now? Watch tv? Watch a movie? Read a book? What?!?"

Fortunately, I know a guy. A couple of guys actually; one who gave it a valiant effort - which I totally appreciate. And the other who was able to track the problem down and fix it! (BTW, if you ever need your computer fixed, I know a guy! I've always wanted to say that!!)

I'm wondering if my computer heard me say that I don't check my email and was mad at me...? Naaaah. I don't know why I have this deep-seated desire to humanize every inanimate object around me. Isn't there a word for that? Anyway, I'm back online and I will be checking my email, but since it's been over a week, it may take me a while to get up to speed. I'm just happy to be back online and want to reiterate that I HEART THE INTERWEB!!!

Cutest. Squash. Ever.

Don't you agree?




And it was SOOOOO tasty!!! >:) Hehehehehe...

Do I check my email...?

No.

I always tell people the best way to get a hold of me is via email. I do that so I limit the number of people I have to talk to in a day. When I talk on the phone all day to people, that's the last thing I want to do when I get home. What I fail to accept is that I am also on my computer all day doing everything via email, so when I get home, that is the second to last thing I want to do.

What's the take home message here? If you call me and leave me a message and I don't call you back... it means I don't want to talk to you. If I tell you to email me, it means I don't want to talk to you. Basically, just leave me alone in general and we'll be tight!

Okay, okay... some of you might be wondering if I'm kidding or if I really am that anti-social... maybe a little of both!! :)

Sorry peeps! I'll try to be better and watching my email... gggrrrr...

I served the prophet!

Reader's digest version - on Sunday I had the honor of serving the sacrament to President Monson.

Here's the rest of the story:
My calling is to be a co-chair for the Highland Care Center, a long-term care facility within my stake boundaries. (For those of you who don't know, I live about a block and a half from President Monson, so I am in his home Stake; I would be in his home ward, except that I go to a singles ward...) Every 4th (and 5th Sunday if it occurs) my co-chair and I are responsible for putting together the Sacrament Meeting program for those at the Care Center. It's pretty simple, opening and closing prayers, a talk, a musical number, and Elders to help bless and pass the sacrament.

Now it's not unusual for Pres. Monson to pop in unannounced, or so I'm told. Being that most of the elderly there are from the area, he knows quite a few of them and he loves to visit. But in my 8 months in this calling I would hear over and over how he "showed up last week - you should have been here..." But he's never come when it was our ward's turn to do the program. Until yesterday.

Incidentally, that morning, our talk-giver backed out. My co-chair, Amber, put together a fantastic talk - from one of Pres. Monson's talks. Also, a few days before Sunday our musical number backed out and I was inches away from offering to sing a hymn... fortunately, I was spared when a family member of one of the residents showed up and offered to sing instead. One of our Elders didn't show, so I had to sit in to serve the sacrament, which I don't usually do. At this point no one knew President Monson would be there. Just as we're about the sing the opening hymn, in walks the Prophet and takes his usual seat at the front. A flutter of excitement spread through the room (well, among those that are coherent anyway). I tried to act nonchalant, but I think I did raise my eyebrows quite a bit more chalant-ly than I wanted too. Anyway, As we were singing the hymn, I realized that because of where I was sitting, I would be serving the sacrament to the Prophet. As far as the action itself goes - it wasn't anything special - he takes the sacrament just like anyone else would, obviously. But I did feel that it was an honor for me to be there.

He was so funny! After our program he stood and spoke for about 20 minutes. He was very down to earth and I could tell that he loved those people very much. He even played a (VERY) short little song on the piano and sang the little tune. It was great! I think one of the things that struck me was that even though he was a little more casual than usual, he never lost that "feeling" of being the Prophet. I could feel it emanating from him. I never realized how "tangible" that feeling could be. I just knew, as I still know, that he is the Prophet that God has chosen to be His instrument, mouth piece, and example for the Church today.

I had hoped to be able to stick around after and shake his hand, but part of the calling is wheeling residents to and from their rooms. But I thought later, I didn't need to shake his hand or meet him. I had served him and had the spirit confirm to me that he is the Prophet. What more do I need? :)

Star Trek

Everyone go see Star Trek.

Best. Movie. Ever.

Hello again...

Well, I'm back.

Boot Camp has officially ended and I am much more sad than I thought I would be. It turned out to be a much better experience then I anticipated. I thnk I'm really gonna miss it and the big challenge now is whether or not I can keep going. I think I can. (I sound like the Little Engine that could. Or maybe in my case, the Big Engine - but not for long, right?!!)

I describe Boot Camp like this: I dread going, I hate being there, and ten minutes after I'm done I feel better than I've ever felt. And, I thought you might like to see what this process looks like, so here's some pictures to illustrate my emotional journey through Boot Camp.

I DREAD GOING


I HATE BEING THERE


I FEEL BETTER THAN EVER!!!


Here's the best part, over the 4 week class, I lost 10 pounds!! Woohoo!!

I have never outgrown cartoons.

What do you get when you mix the Director of Spongebob Squarepants, the Writer of the Fairly Odd Parents and the Vocal Stylings of Amy Poehler? The Awesomest cartoon EVER!!! Behold: The Mighty B.

Cracks me up every time!! Makes me want to get cable!! Will buy previous episodes ASAP!! Can't stop laughing...

Maybe I'm just really tired, but dang! It's a funny show!

Art

Who am I kidding? I'm not going to be able to feel my legs for a while...

"Someone" (who obviously doesn't like to be mentioned by name in my blog) at work didn't know that I used to be an art major in college... So here are some samples of my "work" from over the years. Stay tuned because I might post more... I may actually post on Flikr as well, once I get through cataloging them all.

This is actually my most recent... I just finished it on Saturday (between conference sessions)... BTW, stay tuned for a post about GenCon 179...


This was done in my painting class. I love the eye-buzz you get from the orange and blue striped chair (you have to focus on where the colors meet - sorry the pic is a little fuzzy!).


This is from my drawing class, on of my personal faves.


This is a Photoshop digital collage. I scanned in all the images and then mixed them together.


This was done in Illustrator (which I've totally forgotten how to use). It's called "Elements."


It's a shame that I feel like some of my best work was done in my life drawing class (live nudes). Because I know several people would be offended at seeing those drawings, I won't post them, but here is one self-portrait (not that well done, honestly, but I really like how the eyes turned out)...


...and this one is an abstract with some graffiti-ish styled markings. I love this one!


Here's a few from High School!

I don't know why I love this one so much, but it has always been one of my favorites!! I used Green as the "Highlighting" and Purple as the "Shadowing" - I just love it!! :)


I copied this from a picture in a magazine... I replaced her hair (dreadlocks) with color stripes.


And last, but not least, this is one I did in 4th grade, one of the oldest "pieces" I still have. There used to be a little white ribbon under the gold sticker - which meant I got an "honorable mention." This picture reminds me of my dad... :)

Boot Camp!

I signed up for a boot camp exercise program through a chiropractor I know... I was hoping it would be more camp than boot... I was mistaken. It is definitely more boot than camp. But I guess that's a good thing - I need a good "boot" to get me jump started on my whole personal improvement (I almost said "progress" heeheeheehee) thing I'm trying to do. I will post again when I can feel my legs...

Random Literary Quiz

What book is the following quote from?

"Angel-bright, life-in-death; get off the road, don't suck my breath."

It's one of my favorite books and the conversation where this occurs always makes me laugh!!

Anniversary

What do you call the Anniversary of someone’s death? (This is not a riddle) I mean, other than the “Anniversary of someone’s death.” Deathday, doesn’t seem right… a little too Harry Potterish (for those of you who would know about that). Deathiversary? No, not right either… I’ll keep thinking about it.

Today is the Anniversary of my dad’s death. It’s been two years, but I still remember the events like they happened yesterday. I’ve already talked about it, so I won’t go into detail. But I was thinking about some of the lessons I’ve learned from my dad’s experience and eventual death that I would want to talk about.

1 – The Lord’s time frame is not mine. It’s a harsh lesson, but I’m beginning to suspect that time makes faith possible, and even necessary…

2 – When an outcome is decided by the Lord, I know it is right, whether I agree or not.

3 – Embracing the challenge (in spite of fear) brings strength, while allowing myself to feel fear only, brings weakness.

I don’t know how I am incorporating these lessons in my life. I think I don’t necessarily use them everyday, but I know they are true and that is comforting for the times when I need them.

I recall someone once saying that, “knowing is half the battle.” I agree. But then, what’s the other half? I think it is doing. I think Knowing and Doing go hand-in-hand, but I believe they are not mutually exclusive. I can “do” something without knowing why, or I can “know” to do something, but not “do” it. For example, I can pay my tithing, even though I may not “know” why I’m doing it, or I can know that I ought to pay my tithing, but not “do” it.

I only mention this because I have noticed a pattern in my life. I have learned a lot of things (such as the three things I listed above). In that respect, I have fought “half the battle.” But just because I have learned something, doesn’t mean that I am automatically able to do it. It’s the other half of the battle that is truly difficult for me. I know what all the commandments are, and yet, I am not able to keep all of them. I might know that the Lord’s time frame is his own, that He decides His own outcomes, and that facing challenges bring strength, but I don’t always act on that knowledge.

I’m not going to go into all the reason’s why I don’t “do” what I “know” is right, I think that’s pretty specific to each individual, but my point is, I think this is a common condition of mortality and I think this is what makes all of us equal. I don’t know anyone to does ALL the right things ALL the time. The other thing this makes me realize is that everyone learns lessons in their own (i.e., the Lord’s?) timeframe and that I am in no place to judge others for their trials, sins or weaknesses. They are learning to “know” and “do” in their own way and the Lord is in charge of them. How can I condemn someone for doing something wrong by saying, “How they could that, I thought they “knew” better…” when I myself often do not do what I know I ought to do? Or maybe when I find myself thinking that, I can humble myself by also thinking of the things that I do wrong, even though I “know” better…

Wow, that was quite the tangent and a lot more serious than I intended…

I guess I only meant to say that a tragedy that brings you closer to the Lord, really isn’t a tragedy at all. My dad’s life and death are part of the plan of our Creator and that should be celebrated. So, Happy Deathday/Deathiversary, Dad, or whatever you want to call it!!

Not so serious today...

Wow, so a lot my past blogs are pretty serious. I'll try to balance it out a little. I just happened to catch the first few minutes of Meduim on Monday and they re-created the opening scene of Juno. HI-larious!! It made me remember the days I watched TV "religiously" and it made me long for those days again... For those of you who don't know I stopped watching TV just before the Fall season started. I did this for a few reasons: 1) Too much tv + not enough exercise = ball of lard! 2) Planning to go to school, so I might as well get used to not having time for TV. 3) Too much tv + not enough exercise = ball of lard! 4) Characters on TV were becoming more real to me than people in my own life, which is totally disturbing, but they really are so much more interesting! And last but not least.. 5) Too much tv + not enough exercise = ball of lard!

In no particular order, here is a list of actresses I love (and who I'm sure would love me back, if they really got to know me!)
Regina King
Audrey Hepburn
Kathryn Hahn
Jennifer Garner
Laura Linney
Alfre Woodard
Gwyneth Paltrow
Doris Day
Aiesha Tyler
Charisma Carpenter (I could watch "Jane Date" EVERY DAY!!)
Ashley Tisdale
Queen Latifah
Amanda Bynes

I printed out my list of "purchased" itunes songs for Mishka to look at... I am embarrassed to admit that I have purchased over 700 songs in the last year! Okay, not really that embarrassed, otherwise I wouldn't have mentioned it, but you know what I mean. Right now I am listening to Blue Oyster Cult's "Don't Fear the Reaper" -LOVE IT! Only on my ipod would you find Doris Day next to Blue Oyster Cult...
Now I am listening to Siouxsie and the Banshees...

Remembering my dad

Today is the last day of February. Time seems to be flying by these days. I've been in a weird rut. Things haven't gotten worse, but they haven't gotten better. I was hoping to be doing much better - I think I mean happier - by now and it hasn't happened. Yet. I know it will. Life is a roller coaster ride and occasionally there are smooth spots where not much is happening. I'm okay with that.

Monday will be my Dad's Birthday. He passed away two years ago. I can't believe it's already been two years! He passed away on the 11th of March, 9 days after his birthday. It's strange to celebrate his Birth and Death so close within the same time frame. For those who don't know, he passed away from Kidney cancer. He had just turned 60. It's been on my mind a lot, so I wanted to talk (blog) about it.

Christmas 2005 will go down as one of my worst Christmases, ever! Two days before Christmas, my dad called Mishka and I to come over to his house (Rebecca was living in San Antonio at the time). We knew he had been going to the doctor, but it was for being slightly anemic. Still, the invitation to come over was fraught with foreboding. He proceeded to tell us that he was not, in fact, anemic. He had been loosing blood because it was feeding the cancer of his Kidney. The doctor, effectually, said, "Enjoy this Christmas, because it will be your last." They gave him about 6 months to a year, but no one really knew for sure. Renal Carcinoma wasn't as common as other types of cancer. They removed the mass, which was about 15-20 pounds and about the shape of a football. It had spread to his lungs and liver. They were able to remove the peices of his liver that were affected, but knew they could not do anything about the lungs. Chemotherapy would be his only hope for that. He went in for treatments, which made him very ill, but he recovered well. Christmas 2006 was a landmark; he was still around and in reasonably good health. He was accomplishing much of what was important to him. At some point, though, it wasn't enough. I recall February 2007 being the start of a decline for him. We felt hopeful, though, that this was just a phase. Turns out, it wasn't. He went into the Hospital again.

He and I had a couple of heart to hearts. We had already done a considerable amount of talking and mending over the last year, but these last few conversations were different. He once confided in me that he wasn't afraid of death in the least. What really scared him, was meeting the Savior. He didn't feel ready for that. That was a total surprise to me. As difficult as it was to watch him suffer through his illness and treatments, it was almost more dfficult to see him this way. Almost as a child. I tried to console him; I told him that of all the people I knew, I didn't doubt that he was one of the most "ready" people and that I didn't think he had anything to be afraid of. I'll never forget what he said because I think I knew intimately what he felt. I know that if I were to die today, that is the one fear I would have too... meeting the Savior. I know my dad had some hard things in his past, but I guess the illusion of a parent is that they have been through everything and are prepared for everything. They are the strong and wise ones, because they have been through it all. He was the one I turned to first when I needed something. It was hard to know that at that moment, there was nothing I could do. His life was about to be presented to his Father in Heaven and he felt trepidation at that meeting. Maybe it was not so much fear that he felt, as it was doubt. "Did I do enough? Was I enough?" Those are very personal questions and I was both honored and incredibly humbled that he would share such a personal thing with me.

We had another conversation a few weeks later. Much more difficult for me. I almost couldn't bring myself to say it, but I knew I had to. While it was in my mind, it was debatable, or even dismissable; but once I said it out loud, it would be out there and I couldn't change it. I told him that as much as I loved him, as much as I wanted him to be healed and have him around for a hundred years, that I was ready to let him go and I didn't want him to hold on for me or anyone. I wanted him to be happy; I wanted him to be at peace - even if it meant that death was the only way for him to acheive it. We both cried, but he thanked me. And at that moment, I did let him go. In my own heart I left it in the Lord's hands and knew He would do what He thought best. And whatever that might be, I knew that it really would be the best thing.

The separation is harder at times, than others. Of course there are the big regrets; he won't be around when I get married, or have kids, etc. But what I was really not prepared for was the fact that when someone you love dies, you don't just lose them once. You lose them over and over. You lose them at their bedside when they drift away. You lose them again at their funeral. When you sort through their belongings, you lose them again. Everytime you come home to an empty house, you lose them again. Everytime you have a desire to tell them something good (or bad) that's happened, and they are not there to tell, you lose them again. Everytime you hold a fork and remember their annoying habit of breathing and chewing at the same time(!), you lose them again. It's all the little things, added up, that you miss the most.

And yet, there is hope. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is the only thing I know of that can bring hope to such a dismal event. I wrote a poem for my dad's funeral that I'll copy below. It's a poem about the hope I experienced during my father's illness, and the hope I have now for when we will meet again.



Gratitude

We had time to talk,
to listen,
to understand,

We had time to laugh,
to wonder,
to explore,

We had time to reach out,
to heal,
to mend,

We had time to ponder,
to remember,
to learn,

We had time to live,

We had time to love,

and, in time...
We will have eternity.


Micah James Foster
For Robert Dennis Foster
Mar. 2, 1947 – Mar. 11, 2007

Change

For the sake of honesty, I haven't been doing well lately. I've had a lot of things happen that have stressed me out and I guess I don't handle stress that well because I either sleep a lot (neglecting other things I should be doing), or I eat comfort food (which also makes me feel gross and adversly effects my moods within 12 hours of eating), or I do both. Lately, I've been doing both.

It's hard to do good things for myself when I feel like I really don't deserve it. I realize this is a mild form of depression and I know what I need to do about it. But that's the trap, I know what I need to do to feel better, but then I feel like I don't deserve it, so I don't do it. Then I hit bottom. Although, it's not exactly "hitting" bottom, which in my mind feels like falling off a cliff and smacking the ground; as much as I think I more slowly slide into bottom, face down and face first. Then I roll over and look up and think, "okay, I'm at the bottom, I gotta change." So I get up and start over. Then life happens, I get stresed out and the cycle starts over again.

I've realized that I am more effected by the myriad of small things that creep up everyday, rather than the larger more "acute" events. For example, I got rear-ended on my birthday... no big deal. I didn't freak out, I knew everything would work out okay, which it did. Then, a couple of days later, someone got a hold of my credit card number. They didn't do too much damage and the bank worked everything out. No biggie.

Here's what REALLY freaks me out: I have bills I haven't paid yet, I have to do my dishes, I need to clean my kitchen (once I can see it, sans dishes), I have to do my laundry, I have to go get quarters to be able to do my laundry, I have to go to the bank, I have to blog, I have to make home-teaching appointments (or I have to prepare the home teaching message), I have to study (ha ha, I mean read - who has time to study?) the scriptures, I have to explain to people why I didn't go to church, I have to call my mother, I have to email people back, I have to study for my GRE prep course, I have to do my taxes, I have to exercise, I have to pray, I have to never sin again, and the list goes on and on... My life starts to feel so crowded with things that I "HAVE" to do, that I don't know where to start, so I don't. I sleep, or I eat.

But today, I'm at the bottom and ready to get back up again. Here's what I've decided I need to do:
1. Let go of the reins. I feel like I am holding the reins of two horses, who are dragging me over the bumpy, dusty ground. One horse is the past, and the other is the future. I need to let go of the past because I can't do anything about it now. I need to let go of the future because... I don't know how to describe this, but when I think about who I "should" be, I get discouraged at the gap between that guy and who I am today. I wonder, how? How will I ever become the man I want to be when I feel so messed up now? I have a tendancy to overthink everything - even the future. By letting go of the future, I'm telling myself that it doesn't matter who I am tomorrow; what matter's is who I am choosing to be today. So if I can let go of the reins, then I can free myself to take life one day at a time.
2. Tell myself, "I don't need to be perfect today - I just need to do the best I can."
3. (Related to #2) Be okay with not being perfect and don't resist change. I know we came to this earth to gain a body and be tested (sometimes tested BY our bodies), and that's the "Sunday School" answer, but my own personal opinion of why we're here is to change. We were children of our Heavenly Father, but we were unlike Him. He presented a plan that would enable us to become like Him. The whole plan is based on changing - from being unlike our Father, to becoming like Him. Change is not only good, it's necessary. I can be okay with not being perfect, because it's only the starting point and it's the whole reason I'm here on earth anyway. I think I have really, really beat myself up for being imperfect, not realizing that that was the point of being here. So today, I'm going to look in the mirror and say, "you don't have to be perfect today, just do the best you can."
4. Taking care of my health is not selfish, it's a necessity.

When I look back over my life and think about the times I was most successful at accomplishing something I see a pattern, I was Conscious of what needed to be done and I was Consistent in doing it. I think those two things will help me the most, Conscious and Consistent. For example: I am aware that I don't think of myself in the highest regard (when I say "think" in this sense, I mean literally, they way I "speak to myself" in my mind is negative), so I need to make a CONSCIOUS effort to "think" more positively of myself (or, in other words, "speak to myself" in my mind in a more positive manner) and I need to do this CONISTENTLY. That feels doable when I think of it in terms of just taking things one day at a time. "Today, be aware (conscious) and put in the effort (consistent), then at the end of the day, review how I did and plan to do the same (or make adjustments) tomorrow."

Turning the light on

Have you ever been afraid of the dark? I have. And I realize that I wasn't so much afraid of the dark as the fact that I couldn't see what was in the dark. I would hear noises and my imagination would run away with me about what was lurking in the corners and under the bed, etc. Then I would turn the light on and realize that there was nothing there to be afraid of, but I had to see it in the light to know that.

I've just experienced that feeling, but in a totally unexpected way. I've had something inside me that I was terrified of, but I could never really identify what it was. Then, through a difficult experience, the light came on and I was finally able to see it, and see it for what it was. I now know what I was afriad of for so long and I'm not afraid of it anymore. It's been a simple, but powerful experience that has drawn me closer to my father in heaven and helped me to place a greater trust in his wisdom and love for me. If there's something in your life that you're afraid of, shine a little light on it and see it for what it is - we never have to live afraid when we have access to so much light.

Birthday Bash... literally!

So my first Birthday present was being rear-ended on my way to work. (My birthday was last Wednesday, the 21st.) I am fine, my car is okay. I was at a stop light when someone rammed into me. My bumper got a little smashed, but it's mostly cosmetic so it can easily be replaced. Fortunately the other driver has insurance and they are taking care of everything. Still, I am seriously considering taking the day off work next year!!

Rebecca's visiting! Yay!!!

Pretty excited for my sister to come visit from China. It was quite an ordeal to get her here... which I won't go into, but I'm glad she's here. And what a great present for my mom's birthday! She brought some pretty cool stuff - totally unique... well, unique to me - I'm sure they're pretty common in China.