So... I graduated a couple of weeks ago! Woohoo! Now what?
It was great to walk at graduation and be with so many friends that I've come to know and love so well. It makes me sad to think that I won't get to interact with them on a daily basis anymore, but I love the idea that there are 35 people out there with whom I will, in some small way, always be connected no matter where we go. And I kind of hope they do move all over so I can visit them!! :)
I wasn't as diligent in blogging during grad school as much as I wanted to. I've found it to be a great release for me and a nice record to reflect on. Part of the reason that I haven't blogged is because of the number of lessons I've learned throughout the program - lessons about life and myself. I wanted to write a sort of compendium of all that I've learned, but I realize that I just can't; I wouldn't know where to start. Or maybe, I wouldn't know where to finish, because I'm still learning...
Next week will be my last week at my externship. Once I'm finished, my clinical hours are reviewed and approved, then I can start filling out the paperwork for licensure. I've already started looking for jobs and it's going to be tough. My first year needs to have a small percentage of clinical mentorship, what we call a Clinical Fellowship - kind of like our version of a residency - but once I've completed my CF, then I will receive my national certification and can practice in any state. So it's a little more involved than just finding a job - I need to find a CF job and those are not as plentiful. So I'm looking nationally. I would like to stay here, but it may not be possible for my first year of employment - which I'm okay with.
I'm torn though because I feel like I need to stay AND I feel like I need to leave. I don't know which feeling is more right. I think I want to leave because I feel like I need a new start. I've completed this really tough program and now I want to go out into the world and experience something new. But I think what I really want is to get away from myself; from old habits and old beliefs. I feel like going to a new place would allow me the chance to shed my old skin and be someone new. But I also know enough to know that people who try to run from themselves are never successful. So that makes me realize that what I want doesn't have anything to do with my "surroundings," but it has everything to do with my "insidings." If what I want is to change on the inside, then it won't matter where I live. It will take the same amount of determination to change myself here as it would someplace new. (In fact, I think the worst thing I could do would be to go somewhere new, only to realize that I had kept all my old beliefs and perspectives, meaning I would end up making the same choices and mistakes in that new place, which would be completely discouraging...)
I'm faced with a lot of uncertainty at the moment and, historically, I've not been very good at that. I get worried, afraid and live in constant panic, it seems, but this time I'm not afraid or worried. I know that Heavenly Father is watching out for me and I know that He wants the best for me. So, wherever I end up getting a job, it will be the right place for me. The trust that I've developed is, in and of itself, proof of how I've changed and evidence of what I've learned. So, while I don't know what's coming next for me, I do know that whatever it is, it's going to be great!
