Saturday, February 23, 2013

How to be awesome

I almost forgot I had a deceptively impersonal non-interactive method of venting... I mean blog! (let's face it...)

So I am knee deep into my 1st externship of my FINAL semester! I am exhausted!!! The whole program has been hard (uh... challenging... uh... in a good way...), but I can't remember ever being this tired! (I'm starting to wonder, did I get mono or something?) It's been a great experience and I've learned a ton. One thing I've realized is how hard I am on myself. I really do expect to "be perfect" the first time I do something and when I'm not, or when I forget something or make a mistake, I feel like the worst person in the whole world. Why am I lame like that? I just need someone to smack me and say "dude, snap out of it!" (I'm not actually inviting anyone to smack me, fyi, I'm being rhetorical.)

The externship has been great, what's been hard is how high my expectations have been for myself. I'm NOT okay with making mistakes and the reality of my imperfect, mistake-making human-ness is relentlessly brutalizing me. Which I guess means I'm growing. Wow, being "okay" with mistakes... does anyone have any advice for me on how to do that? This is a non-rhetorical question. I'm literally asking anyone and everyone to please let me know.

Here's where I'm at right now:



I don't know what the 2nd step is because I haven't mastered the 1st step yet!!