Tuesday, December 30, 2008

How do you spell...?

You now how when you speak slang people pretty much know what you mean? But when you type it, it can look totally wrong... and like you're remedial? I was tyring to type the shortened slang of usual as "use," but that just spells USE and doesn't sound like "use." How do you spell "use?"!!! Here are some of my attempts:

Ush
Us
Use
Ushe
Usze
Yoosh
Yoozsh

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Sigh of relief!!

Well, I'm glad THAT'S over!! phew! So I just sang in church a few hours ago and I went through just about every emotion possible, it was like a roller coaster ride. I think people must have heard me differently than I sounded to myself, because I got a lot of compliments. Not that I think I did bad, I actually think I did better than I thought I would, but because I'm a perfectionist, I wish I had done even better. Overall though, I'm pretty happy. I did something that was really hard for me, totally out of my comfort zone, and I didn't suck royally. If I'm going to be totally honest, for as little experience I have singing solo's, I actually think I did pretty good. I have to say, overall again, that I am happy with how it turned out... but I AM glad it's over!!

Would I do it again...? Maybe... :)

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The oxymoron that is "Country Music"

So here's some background: I don't like country music. Please read on.

My co-worker's know this about me. Still they try to "convert" me. The last I knew Country Music is a style of music, not a religion. Anyway, so one of my co-workers (don't worry Maili I won't tell anyone it was you!) allowed a country song to play in my presence. When I asked my usual question, "Is this country?" (knowing full well that it is and that it should be stopped), she replied, somewhat energetically, that it was, but that I HAD to listen to it because it was so good! Fast Forward to a few minutes (or is it hours) later when I pick up on the chorus about someone who is in obvious pain and has decided that we all need to hear about it. I offered the following insight to my co-worker (who shall Maili go un-named), "Maybe she's hurting so much because someone is forcing her to listen to Country Music." To which, my co-worker replies, "No, it's about how her husband died, and that's why she's sad." (As if that's supposed to make it okay.) I said, "Wow, a country song that's also depressing - that's a new combination!" To which my co-worker responded (swiping at me in the air in frustration), "It's sad - it's good."

Could that be a new advertising campaign? Country Music - so sad, it's good!

So sad - it’s good… hmmm… I’m still working that one out... I agree with the first part of that phrase anyway...

Fitting in...

So on my drive into work this morning I passed a guy that was jogging and I thought, "I am not a jogger, but I bet that would be fun." That got me started thinking about where I fit in. I’ve been fighting negative labels my entire life. I’ve often expressed to people that I grew up in a world where I didn’t fit in. When I say “fit in” I mean that literally. I didn’t fit into the desks at school, I didn’t fit into the clothes other kids my age were wearing, I couldn’t go to friends party’s because there wasn’t room in the car, etc. It’s taken me quite a long time to remove all the negative labels I was both given and took on. But I was thinking, that while some labels are bad, some are good. Labels like, Humble, Faithful, Obedient, Kind, etc. I guess those are also more like traits, but you get my drift. I was also thinking in terms of hobby’s and occupations by which people label themselves, like jogging. Or for example, someone say’s, “I’m a doctor.” That’s a label, as well as an occupation and it’s how that person defines themselves. I don’t really have that. I work in HR. I don’t think that defines me, especially since I am wanting to change careers. So I don’t feel like I fit-in in HR. Where do I fit in? I’m not a doctor, lawyer, artist, musician, athlete, mechanic, golfer, skydiver, accountant, manager, farmer, etc.

I guess what I’m really saying, is I don’t know which label to choose for myself. I am finally at a place in my life where I realize that I choose what defines me. I just haven’t learned yet, what that should be. What is it I really want to be? I don’t know. I guess I’ve been living so long trying to get away from bad labels that I never learned how to gain good labels… Where do I fit in?

My second question is, isn't a little bit early to be thinking about this kind of stuff?

Monday, December 8, 2008

Speech and Singing

So it’s been a while since I last updated this, but at least it hasn’t been six months!! My fans have been asking, and I hate to disappoint. (p.s. I could pay my fans five dollars each and only be out five bucks!!) :) Anyway, here’s what’s going on with me…

I have decided that I want to pursue a career in Speech-Language Pathology (SLP). This is totally unrelated to my current job in HR, but I think this is the right direction for me. I have not been as happy in HR overall as I hoped to be. While Intermountain Healthcare is a great place to work, I’ve realized that I don’t want to move up in HR in general. I should add, that I’ve suspected this was the case for some time, but since I didn’t have any other direction and/or options I just stayed with HR. My mom was telling me about someone she knows who does Speech Therapy and she said that I might be good at it. As I looked into it initially, I became excited and realized that this is a great direction for me to go. I’ve been feeling stuck because I want a career, not just a job and I don’t feel I want to make HR my career. Too much politics, and bureaucracy, and not enough helping people. What appeals most to me about SLP is the one-on-one interaction and meeting diverse people. So I’ve enrolled in a GRE Prep course for the Spring and I’ll apply for Graduate School as soon as my scores are available. I am hoping to get in at the U, but I’ll probably apply to BYU as well, just in case. I am so excited to start that it’s hard for me to stay motivated at my current job. But I will definitely need to work while I go through school so I need to just buckle down and stick with it. Which I can do.

So, I did a dumb thing. I volunteered to help our ward choir director with the Christmas Program. I’m pretty sure I said I could help with a quartet/duet… yeah…. Now I’m singing a solo. I haven’t ever sung a flat out solo. I think the last time I was close was in Elementary when I sang one verse of Whitney Houston’s “One Moment in Time.” I sucked. David Price and Raimey Westwood were awesome (they sang the other two verses)! I learned my lesson and decided to stick with “choir” singing… where no one could actually hear me. So now I am in a quandary. I thought about it and decided I would go through with it. No matter what happens at least I’ll know that I did something to get out of my comfort zone and try something new. I am scared… nay, terrified even, but feel like whatever talent I may have, I should at least attempt to develop… so here goes! I’ll be singing “Once in Royal David’s City” this Sunday as part of the Christmas program. PRAY FOR ME!!!!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

DC Trip

We'll, I'm back! I had a great trip to Washington DC! Good news! I did not get kicked off the plane and I did not have to buy an extra seat. It was still a little cramped, but not as bad as it has been in the past. Losing 60 pounds has helped, but I also realized that I have been complacent and so that was a good reminder that I need to keep going. Also, I didn't do too bad eating-wise. Other than the first time I ate chinese food - it tasted good, but that was little consolation later... two words: Montezuma's revenge! (Or in this case "General Tso's revenge! ha ha!)

Anyway, I'm still going through all the photo's I took trying to sort out the ones I really REALLY like to post on my Flikr page. (I do have some posted already and you can see them here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/28687426@N04/) I'll keep adding photos as I'm able to.

People at work have been asking me what my favorite part was. I think it was just being there. I would love to have the time and money to travel all over the world. I always get so jealous listening to other people's trips, or looking at other people's photos of places I want to go. When I was there I remember thinking, "wow! I'm finally here seeing these things for myself!" I guess that's kind of lame, but that was the best part for me.

Kathryn was a great travelling companion and Michelle and Lauretz were excellent hosts! How nice that they have two guests rooms so that I didn't have to make Kat sleep on the couch! :) I loved that we could all be so comfortable around each other and say whatever was on our minds. I also hated that we could all be so comfortable around each other and say whatever was on our minds!! (You three KNOW what I'm talking about!)

The only downside to the trip was on the plane coming home... when I opened my bag and couldn't find my cell phone! I felt disabled somehow! In my mind I ran through every disaster scenario I could think of of where I might have lost it. Turns out, I didn't "lose" it, I only left it behind; which is still pretty dang annoying! (Thank you, again Michelle for shipping it to me!)

The weather was fantastic and it wasn't too crowded. We got to see all of the things we really wanted to see and then some! We hit the monuments (both during the day and night) and some of the museums. We also went to Annapolis and Philidelphia (I would have married you if I could philly cheesesteak sandwich!)

I know we were mostly in the "touristy" places, but I really liked it out there and, if it weren't for the humidity in the summer, I might even consider moving out there.

The holocaust museum was an interesting experience. It takes you through the events chronologically. When we were at the point where the Jews were being forced out of their homes and into Ghetto's, then concentration camps, the Security Guard told us we needed to leave and forced us all to the exits, without any explanation. The irony was not lost on me. In a very small (I mean exceedingly small) way it suddenly gave me a taste of the confusion and fear the so many people must have felt as they were forced away from their homes and families. (Apperantly a bag was left unattended and they were clearing the area as a precaution.) They let us back in, but we opted not to go back to where we left off. The scariest thing to me, after viewing the exhibit was how quickly it all started and ended... all within about 12 years. It's even more intriguing to contemplate the events of WWII and the holocaust when compared to the prophecies regarding the Jews...

On Friday we watched National Treasure and it was pretty cool to see all the places we had just visited depicted in the movie. (Then we watched Trekkies and some people are just sad...) All in all, it was fantastic and really hard to come home!

I loved you philly cheesesteak sandwich... you will be missed!!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

9 month update...

How strange...today is exactly 9 months to the day since my first blog! A lot has happened and I've meant to keep this going, but apparently, whether it's online or in paper form, I just can't keep a journal...

Since my last entry...
I have started working at Intermountain Healthcare in Human Resources: Recruiting. I've been there for just over six months now and it's been great. I LOVE the people I work with. They make me laugh everyday and they get me through the hard times. I feel bad that I'm not always "funshine bear" at work, but it's been pretty stressful at times, and I do let it get to me sometimes. The work itself is easy, it's just that there's so much of it that I feel like I barely have time to breath and sometimes I have to tear myself away, just to go use the facilities... it's not that I'm a work-aholic, it's just that I care so much about how I do my job that I take things a little to personally. I know I need to just chill out, but that's easier said than done!!

My oldest sister, Rebecca, joined the Peace Corps and moved to Chonqing, China! She will be there for about two years and we all miss her terribly. I don't know where she gets such an adventurous spirit! I guess from my dad, he loved to go out and explore, but he mostly did that in nature and usually on the same continent! In any case, I really admire her fortitude and adaptability. I don't think I have it in me to do something like that. One thing I love though, is living it vicariously, in a way. I love reading about her experiences and seeing her pictures. I may not be learning everything first hand, or by trial and error, like she is, but I do feel as though I am experiencing it with her... on some small level, anyway.

My mom was hoping to sell her house and move to Arizona, which is still her plan, but it doesn't look like the housing market, i.e., the economy in general, is doing well enough to make that happen. But I'm sure it will when it's the right time. For the time being she's started a new job (at a dialysis company) and I think it will be a great thing for her. They even have a branch in Mesa, AZ.... hmmm... how odd... :)

Mishka is working and thinking about school. She has lots of plans, so it's really just a matter of time before things start happening for her. I have to say I am SOOOO proud of her! She has quit eating sugar, and for anyone that knows her, that's a BIG deal!! She's been "clean" for about three months now and doing awesome! She's doing better than me right now and I know it will make a huge difference in her life!

I think sugar is EVIL!!! Everytime I eat it I get anxious and panicky. I think it's like a poison to me that messes with my mood and brain chemistry. I do pretty good staying away from it, but every once in a while I fold and give in, and then I regret it for a week afterward!

I don't know how I am going to do this on my trip. Usually a vacation means, throw all caution to the wind and live "la vida loca," but this time, I really don't want to do that. I really want to eat as healthy as possible. Mostly because I want to actually enjoy the trip! By the way, did I tell you that I'm going to Washington D.C. this week? I am going with my friend Kat Samson to visit another friend we used to work with and her husband, Michelle and Lauretz Peterson. They moved out there about a year and a half ago and I've been wanting to go see them. I'm glad that it finally worked out!! I will take as many pictures as I can and put them up on my flikr page. (http://www.flickr.com/photos/28687426@N04/)

I was born in Virginia and we moved when I was two so I don't remember anything about it. If we can I would like to try to go see where we used to live. I'm mostly curious to see if it will bring back any memories...

I know this is totally moronic, but I'm actually afraid of the plane ride. Not the plane itself or anything. It's just that I've been thinking about it more the closer I get to leaving (tomorrow) and I'm worried that I won't fit in the seats... I know this is totally irrational. I've flown before when I was at 310 pounds and I freaked out everytime because I thought for sure they would throw me off the plane, or at the very least, make me buy another ticket or something. I know I've lost about 60 pounds, but I'm still worried... I don't want to be humiliated that way, even though I haven't been and I was much heavier, I still feel that anxiety. Like I said, I know it's irrational, but I can't help it.

I'm just going to try to focus on being with friends and having fun!

Saturday, January 12, 2008

El blog-o primero!!

Hello Interweb!!

I have been reading a few blogs lately and decided it was time to start my own. Welcome!

I have just realized that I don't actually have anything to say at the moment. I am single, not working, and not in school. While, on the plus side, this gives me all the time in the world to "blog," on the minus side, I now have nothing to blog about! :)

hmmmm... why did I think this was a good idea...?