Food and the evil necessity

I love food. Just when I think food loves me back, I find it hates me. Then I hate food. Then I apologize and I love food again.

Yes, I know I sound crazy - I did it on purpose to make a point. I recall commenting to someone once on my distorted relationship with food. Then I realized I used the word "with." Shouldn't I have said, "...my relationship TO food..."? Or is that just semantics? I don't think so. It's a bit of a revelation to realize that I regard food the way I would another human being. Are food and I really in a "relationship?" Some days there might be some symbolic similarities (some people don't "sit" well with me and make me want to puke, others are like comfort food - you feel good just being around them, etc.), but really, overall, I don't think I should be reacting to food the way I react to people, right?

I don't really know how or when that started. Maybe it's just another aspect of what people do when they live to eat, rather than eat to live. I don't want a "relationship" with food, but how do you end a relationship with something you need to live? Is that why some people have a hard time ending relationships with people who are bad for them, even though they know they are bad for them, somehow they feel like they need that relationship in order to feel good about themselves, or their life, or maybe even in order to survive (emotionally)? (Things might be getting deep here folks, stay with me...)

People do illogical things that hurt themselves all the time (like doctor’s who still smoke), so I’ve learned that we are powerfully motivated by emotions and I definitely have emotions attached to food. For example, my own blog post about my trip to DC. Notice what I said just above the picture?

Sometimes I listen to people who are in terrible relationships and my reaction is “deal breaker – shut it down!” But it’s easy for me, who am not emotionally involved, to say that. But what about my own (dysfunctional?) emotional relationships? It’s not so easy for me to take my own advice. When I think to myself, I really NEED a pizza, I should say to myself “deal breaker – shut it down!” and reach for an apple, but do I? Of course not! Because it’s not about the pizza, it's about what the pizza means – comfort. The real question I should be asking is, why do I need to be comforted right now?

And food is such an easy thing to reach for. Why? Because we have to have it to live!! It feels like food is a necessary evil. You can’t just say, “Oh yeah, I guess this is a bad relationship, I’m just gonna ‘shut it down’ and stop eating from now on…” Additionally, bad food is so readily available! It’s easier, faster, and more comforting than healthy food. I guess here I should make a distinction. There is good food and bad food. I think all fast food, processed/prepackaged food, sugar, soda, etc. are bad categorically (meaning, for everyone). Then I think there is food that is bad for me. Sugar makes me crazy (even too much fruit in one sitting). Carbs like bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, etc. make me depressed, so I can’t eat them. But those are the foods I “love!”

I think when I can change my relationship with food from a “with” to a “to,” then I’ll have the right relationship and I’ll eat to live only.

Right now, I just really want a pizza…