Food and the evil necessity

I love food. Just when I think food loves me back, I find it hates me. Then I hate food. Then I apologize and I love food again.

Yes, I know I sound crazy - I did it on purpose to make a point. I recall commenting to someone once on my distorted relationship with food. Then I realized I used the word "with." Shouldn't I have said, "...my relationship TO food..."? Or is that just semantics? I don't think so. It's a bit of a revelation to realize that I regard food the way I would another human being. Are food and I really in a "relationship?" Some days there might be some symbolic similarities (some people don't "sit" well with me and make me want to puke, others are like comfort food - you feel good just being around them, etc.), but really, overall, I don't think I should be reacting to food the way I react to people, right?

I don't really know how or when that started. Maybe it's just another aspect of what people do when they live to eat, rather than eat to live. I don't want a "relationship" with food, but how do you end a relationship with something you need to live? Is that why some people have a hard time ending relationships with people who are bad for them, even though they know they are bad for them, somehow they feel like they need that relationship in order to feel good about themselves, or their life, or maybe even in order to survive (emotionally)? (Things might be getting deep here folks, stay with me...)

People do illogical things that hurt themselves all the time (like doctor’s who still smoke), so I’ve learned that we are powerfully motivated by emotions and I definitely have emotions attached to food. For example, my own blog post about my trip to DC. Notice what I said just above the picture?

Sometimes I listen to people who are in terrible relationships and my reaction is “deal breaker – shut it down!” But it’s easy for me, who am not emotionally involved, to say that. But what about my own (dysfunctional?) emotional relationships? It’s not so easy for me to take my own advice. When I think to myself, I really NEED a pizza, I should say to myself “deal breaker – shut it down!” and reach for an apple, but do I? Of course not! Because it’s not about the pizza, it's about what the pizza means – comfort. The real question I should be asking is, why do I need to be comforted right now?

And food is such an easy thing to reach for. Why? Because we have to have it to live!! It feels like food is a necessary evil. You can’t just say, “Oh yeah, I guess this is a bad relationship, I’m just gonna ‘shut it down’ and stop eating from now on…” Additionally, bad food is so readily available! It’s easier, faster, and more comforting than healthy food. I guess here I should make a distinction. There is good food and bad food. I think all fast food, processed/prepackaged food, sugar, soda, etc. are bad categorically (meaning, for everyone). Then I think there is food that is bad for me. Sugar makes me crazy (even too much fruit in one sitting). Carbs like bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, etc. make me depressed, so I can’t eat them. But those are the foods I “love!”

I think when I can change my relationship with food from a “with” to a “to,” then I’ll have the right relationship and I’ll eat to live only.

Right now, I just really want a pizza…

Birthday babble

I've heard people say, "there are no stupid questions." I totally disagree. Some questions are stupid. For example, every year a few days after my birthday I hear, "It was your birthday? Why didn't you tell me?" Stupid question. For a small education in social etiquette, here's my answer:

First of all, It's very rare for this to be brought up appropriately when it's not the actual topic of discussion. "What did you have for dinner last night?" "It's my birthday tomorrow."

Second, I've known people who have announced their brithday and, let's just say, they are people who usually don't leave the best impression (greedy, awkard, lonely, desparate, sad, etc.). I don't want to be one of those people.

Third, and what's REALLY stupid about this question is that even when we know why we would never announce our birthday unbidden (because of reasons one and two) WE STILL ASK THE QUESTION OF OTHERS!! (Admit it, you've said it to someone at least once in your life!)

Yes, it was my birthday last Thursday and I didn't tell you... because I'm not lame.

p.s. now that I've told you it's the 21st of January I expect you to write that in your calendars... and don't ask me next year why I didn't tell you it was my birthday - I'm telling you now!!!

The answer is 3...

Three days in a row sorting through underGarments. That has to be a new record for me and proof that my life is lame - because this is all I have to blog about...

So I went to my mom's house for Sunday dinner (it was her birthday so we made her dinner), but I found a basket of laundry that needed washing... guess what it was? You guessed it! Under"G's"!! I guess if I sit down tonight and fold them, it will be four days in a row, but I can only take so much, so that's not going to happen!!

By the way, here is a photo of my experience at the Junior League of Salt Lake:

Do I look confused? Bewildered? Incredulous?

It's because I don't know what this is, or what possible use it could have...

Okay - that's not true, but it made for a good photo!!

Laundry day...

So I spent some of my day sorting my own "unmentionables..." How ironic is that? How many days in a row can someone sort underGarments...?

Today's community service

Here's a comment someone made to me today: "I bet when you woke up this morning you didn't think you'd be sorting through women's underwear!"

That was a totally true statement! Indeed, when I woke up this morning I did NOT have any idea that I would be sorting through women's underwear!! But that's what happened!

So, our office particiapted in some community service today. We spent a couple of hours at a place called the Junior League of Salt Lake and assisted with their affiliate program "Women Helping Women." In a nutshell, they take donated women's professional attire and give them to women with low incomes (who qualify) so that they can have professional clothes to interview and find jobs (working in a Recruitment office, it was yet one more way we could try to help people find jobs!).

Anyway, assignments were random and I ended up on the panty line... (I repeat RANDOM) If you're like my friend, Amber, who cringed at the thought of what I was doing, let me just clarify right now: all the underwear was PURCHASED and not donated!! (They actually don't accept donated underwear... slips, yes, "lingerie," no.) Others were opening the newly PURCHASED underwear and we were bagging them individually and writing the sizes on the baggies (he he he, I'm chuckling to myself as I write this because the word "baggies" could have several meanings here!! Sorry, I know that's not polite!).

Of course, everyone had a great time making fun of me (I work with a majority of women) and commenting on how much I "seemed" to be enjoying myself. To be honest, I was enjoying myself, but ONLY because I was serving others. Trust me, seeing a bunch of granny-panties does nothing for me!

Either way, for good or bad (I'm sure bad), pictures were taken and memories were made.

It makes me wonder though... what will tomorrow bring?

Shin Splints and things you should know about them

1. I've never had them before and didn't think they could be THAT bad... I was wrong.
2. I thought fat people could not get them, because (lets be honest) we don't have the mobility to be THAT active... I was wrong.
3. I thought when other people complained of having them, they were maybe showing off a little, because they WERE active enough to get them... I was wrong.

So I am continuing my exercise goal of walking (brisk and with intervals) for an hour two to three times per week. My legs have ached before, you know, now that I'm actually using them. But today is the first time I've gotten shin splints. I guess maybe that's a good sign - that I'm feeling well enough and that I'm able to push myself that much harder. I know I need to do more stretching and strengthening of those muscles... but dang I'm in pain!!

Also, I think whoever came up with the name "shin splints," didn't really capture the essence of how shin splints actually feel. Here are some of my alternatives: Shin Daggers, Shin Passing a Kidney Stone, Shin Giving Birth, Shin Spinal Tap, etc.

Happy New Year

I know I'm a little late, but Happy New Year everybody!

I decided to shy away from New Year's Resolutions this year. I don't have anything against them, I just don't have anything new to resolve to do... the weightloss issue is kind of always there and I am proceeding with my other goals just fine, so I don't really have anything specific I feel like I need a resolution to acheive. And, historically, I'm not good at keeping resolutions anyway...

I feel like this year is going to be a great year. I don't know why exactly, but I feel like I'm going to make great progress in some areas that I've needed to since childhood, specifically, how I feel about myself. Some of the other great things to look forward to are a visit from my sister in Feb.; then she comes home for good and all in July!! Yay!! I am so proud of her for what she has accomplished! I know for a fact that I would not have it in me to do what she's done. I am in awe of her courage! But I have missed her terribly and will be so happy to have her home (even if it's in Texas!)!!

I am also going to be starting school in the Fall. I will be taking some pre-requisite undergraduate courses to prepare to enter a Master's program in Speech-Language Pathology. I am SOOOO looking forward to this. One, I need a change. Two, I need a career, not just a job. Three, I need to put myself in a position where I can actually FEEL like I can support a family. I just applied for admission yesterday, and I haven't officially been accepted yet, but I'm not at all worried about it.

Switching Gears...
Today is Sunday and we had a cool meeting where President Monson came to speak to us. I am in a singles ward and every 2nd Sunday of the month, we combine with two other single's wards in our area. We usually have pretty neat speakers for our 2nd sunday meetings, but this was especially cool! He was really relaxed and down to earth and funny. As much as any Prophet can be, I expect.

We all stood up when he entered and he waved and said, "Hello." to everyone. He shook hands with those he passed and even commented on one guy's plain yellow tie. He held up his tie and said how much he liked the color yellow. He then walked up onto the stand and walked along the row shaking hands with the Bishoprics from the 3 wards, when he got to the other end, he started walking off the stand and said, "well, goodbye." Then turned around and said "just kidding," walked back to the seat reserved for him. I know it may not sound like much, but considering the source, it was pretty hilarious.

He shared some great stories, as always, and a couple of the things he said that stood out to me were, and he quoted the following three times, which to me means it's highly significant: "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thy own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." (I had to look it up later - Proverbs 3:5-6). He said, "Put your trust in the Lord and do what you think He would have you do."

Another thing he emphasized was "effort." He mentioned this once, then brought it up again two more times. He said that nothing comes without effort. Said another way, everything worthwhile comes with effort and not to be afraid of work. He said to work hard and then take advantage of opportunities that arise. He re-stated, "Work will win, when wishy-washy wishing won't."

Lastly, and this is hard for me to mention, he reminded the brethren to date. (Ugghhh.. knife in the heart...) It's something I've been thinking a lot about lately, which I guess is a good sign. It's been so hard for me to put myself out there in that way. It touches too many personal things for me to mention the "why," but suffice to say, dating is not easy for me. I know others would say, "hey, what a great New Years Resolution - to date more this year!" (or in my case, to date - at all!!) But no, given my past experience with my lack of success in keeping resolutions, I don't think this is one for me. But like I said, I've been thinking about it alot, which is also scary, because I think it is my subconscious's way of telling me that I'm ready to face this challenge. We'll see...

In spite of that, I think 2010 will be a great year. So, rather than this just being a trite social custom, and in the spirit of self-fulling prophecy, Have a HAPPY New Year everyone - I know I will!