Happy Easter!

Sorry for the long post, but I thought I would post the talk I gave today in Church for those who missed it. Hope you like it!

Just know that I wish I could be talking with each of you individually today, and since I can’t, I hope you’ll hear what I have to say and maybe pretend that it’s just us. Because, I would like to ask you to do something. Well, maybe a couple of something’s; first of all, will you pray for me? I’ve had a hard time knowing what to say and I want to make sure that what I’m saying is really going to invite the Spirit in, because I know it’s the Spirit that will teach you what you need to know. Second, I would like to ask you to be completely honest with yourself and think about a time where you really struggled in life. Maybe it’s today, maybe it was last week, or a year ago, or several years ago, whatever. I’d just like you to have that in your mind as I speak to you today. Because what I want to talk about is personal, very personal, in fact, but I can’t see into your heart and I don’t know what your life has been like. But I do know that what I will talk about today will apply to you – so please be honest with yourself and don’t hold anything back.


Alma 7:7, 11-13

“For behold, I say unto you there be many things to come; and behold, there is one thing which is of more importance than they all – for behold, the time is not far distant that the Redeemer liveth and cometh among his people.

“And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and sicknesses of his people.

“And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

“Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me.”

Still thinking about a specific time you struggled? Good.

Somewhere far from here, somewhere I’ve never been, there’s a garden of olive trees. In this garden sits an olive press - which grinds down olives and presses out their oil. It is an appropriate symbol for what will take place there. On a quiet evening, Jesus and his disciples walk the familiar path to the garden. He takes Peter, James, and John and heads further into the grove. Leaving them a ways off, he enters a solitary place and offers a prayer. For the first time in his life, he is afraid. “O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me.” But in spite of the fear, he proceeds. “nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.” For the next three to four hours, he takes upon himself, what for us, is an incomprehensible burden. It is the weight of all our sins; all our pains; all our sicknesses, infirmities, fears, doubts; ALL of them. That time in your life when you really struggled? That too.

Thus began the Atonement, and it was just beginning. Over the next few hours and days he would be accused, cursed, smitten, mocked, scourged, spit upon and reviled. He would be judged of the world and delivered to the enemy. Still the Atonement was not complete. Forced to carry his cross until unable, he was lead to Calvary. There he was nailed to a cross and lifted up among thieves. There was yet one thing more to suffer. A pain even He could not fathom; as He carried the weight of our sins, His Father withdrew His Spirit. All of his burden, carried alone.

Why did he do it?

There is just one reason.

You.

Remember that time in life you really struggled with something? He did what he did so he could help you through that. He did it so he would know what you feel and how to comfort you.

What does that say about you? What does that say about how important you are?

Three days after His crucifixion, His final gift was given and the Atonement complete, for even death could not hold Him. He was resurrected and lived again, thereby ensuring that ALL mankind would be resurrected and able to return to the presence of our Father.

This is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The word gospel means Good News – and this is Good News, that because of Christ’s Atonement, we all will be resurrected and we all are given the possibility of exaltation (which is Eternal Life with God).

What he did was truly incomparable. Not one man or woman who ever lived, who lives now, or who ever will live on earth, can ever compare to Him. And everything He did was for you. You see, you are the key here. The Savior GAVE His offering, it is now your choice whether or not to TAKE it. You choose to accept His offering when you repent, when you exercise faith to obey His commandments. But mostly when you repent, so go to Him. Please don’t wait. Take Him your burden, He will recognize it, and He will know what to do. Trust Him. Repent. Reconcile yourself to Him.

I testify that we are nothing before Him, but we are everything to Him.

Please don’t get distracted. Please don’t ever think the things of this world can ever give you what He could give you. The world will never know His peace. The world will never know His love. But you can. The world and all it holds can never offer you the sweetness of forgiveness and I promise you, it is worth any amount of pain to achieve.

I bear you my testimony: God lives. He gave His Son as an offering so that we could be forgiven and so that we could return to His presence. I testify that by obedience to the commandments and through repentance, we accept the offering of our Father and of Jesus Christ and prove ourselves worthy of returning to their presence, not just for a moment, but for eternity. And I know it gets hard sometimes to remember that. So read your scriptures every day, they’ll remind you. Go to church each week, that will remind you. And when you take the sacrament, let that remind you too, not just of what he did for all men, but what he did for you.

John 16:33

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Making up for only 2 posts in April so far...

Just trying to survive the next couple of weeks. I probably make it sound worse than it really is. The last few weeks of the semester have been good, but also a challenge. Next week I have two finals and because I've decided to "settle" for an A-, I won't be taking my third class's final, which is optional, and I'm really okay with and A-, so yay! But with other projects to be done, I haven't been able to keep up on the other two classes, so here I am, having to take a few days off work to catch up! Grrrr...! (Well, what I'm really doing is avoiding even starting my homework by blogging about it!!)

I've also been experimenting with my diet again. I spent the last two or three years trying to discover how foods affect me, and that has been invaluable, but I am now trying to play with the idea of consistency. I might eat well for a week or two, but I usually binge on the weekends, pretty much negating any good I did during the week. Sticking to the foods that make me feel better and avoiding the foods that make me feel worse has been hard. Then I wonder to myself, why? If good food makes me feel good, and bad food makes me feel bad, then why is this even an issue? Why is it that I am willing to destroy my health, and even my life, for junk food? Not even junk food, really, because I'm also including pasta and bread and cheese (dairy) in all this...

I suppose it boils down to a tolerance for bad feelings. What I mean by that is, it is true that bad food makes me feel bad, but only after it makes me feel good. And not just good, but like, blissfully good. It doesn't just ease stress and pain - it makes it go away. Good food doesn't have that effect. Good food makes you feel good, it's true, but it doesn't "eliminate" the bad feelings like bad food does. These things are hard to judge and measure because they are not black and white topics, they are all about continuums. There are degrees of feeling good and bad and then it's further complicated by different types, such as feeling good or bad physically vs. emotionally vs. mentally vs. spiritually, etc.

You know what's strange? I go through the most amazing emotional and mental olympic events in order to avoid pain (stress, suffering, etc.), but I only end up supplanting some pains for other pains, so I haven't really eliminated pain, I've only altered it. As I type this, I'm starting to make some connections. I also think the reason I do this is to have some semblance of control. Food is something I can do something about, therefore, I use it like I am in control of it - in that way I convince myself that I am "in control." I control how I feel and when I feel it. BUT - it's a fallacy. What I have actually done is GIVEN control to food and to my body and deep down I know this is the wrong method, but the thought of "losing" that control and opening myself up to the pain of life that I can't control is terrifying. (stray thought here: I think I've just invented a new field that is the synthesis of art and science which I'll call "performance therapy")

So, I guess I need to figure out why am I so afraid of pain? I love C.S. Lewis' work on the meaning of pain, and I'll be honest it's a bit beyond me, but what I get from it is that pain has a purpose. It's a part of the experience of life and life is incomplete without it. For me personally, pain is what reminds me that I need a Savior, no, that I depend on a Savior. If my life were easy, I would never need Him. Maybe to some degree, my being so terrified of pain only aggrandizes it's effect. What if the pain of life really isn't all that bad, or at least, as bad as I "think" it will be and I am missing out on the joy of life, simply because I'm trying to avoid a little pain?

You know what? I don't want to be afraid anymore. I don't want to be afraid of pain. I don't want to be afraid of repentance. I don't want to be afraid of change. I don't want to be afraid of life.

I can see why addictions are so strong: Just a simple little molecule called (insert drug of choice, i.e., sugar, alcohol, tobacco, etc), and all of your pain goes away. What could be simpler than that? It gives you relief and the feeling of being in control, even if it's just an illusion. Who wouldn't want that? But what are you left with? You are left with living life on only one side of the seesaw where nothing happens and life becomes meaningless. Who knew? Joy AND Pain make life fulfilling. Oddly enough, it's been part of the message of the gospel for as long as it's been around. (Yes, I'm being sarcastic here!)

Speaking of the gospel, and because I think that's enough Performance Therapy for one day, I have been asked to speak in church on Sunday. I was asked to "sum up the Atonement in 8-10 minutes." (I can hear Bill Cosby in my head going, "riiiiigggghhhhttt.....") I have been pondering and praying for a week now and I'm totally at a loss for what to say. No, wait, that's not right. I'm at a loss as to HOW to say it. The truth is, I have a lot of feelings about the Atonement, especially from the experience of my dad passing away, but how do you take something that personal and put it into words? I'm sure I'll come up with something, but I just know I won't be able to do justice to what I feel in my heart. I guess it's also hard because I know it's the last time I will be able to speak in my ward. Anyway, wish me luck! I'll let you know how it goes...

Shameless Self-Promotion!

Have you ever had an idea for something you thought would look great on a t-shirt? Then we have something in common!! And for once in my life I actually did something about it instead of just talk about it! So, here it is...

You might be thinking, "Micah, that's gross. And not really you're style." 1) I DO think it's funny, and 2) you probably don't know me all that well!!

Everytime I look at it, it still makes me laugh!! Anyway, when I said I thought it would look good on a t-shirt, I meant it! SOooo... I set up a shop at Cafe Press and now you can buy your very own "Love Sick" t-shirt!! Yay for you!! Visit my CloudSeven store here:

Come visit my store on CafePress!*.

(*The shop/page doesn't seem to load in Explorer 9, so please try an earlier version of explorer, or use another browser!)

Seriously, though, buy something, I'm really poor right now and starting Grad School this Fall ain't gonna help, ya know what I'm sayin'? (I said this was shameless self-promotion!!)

GenCon 181

I always enjoy General Conference! This one was no exception. I don't recall a lot of specific things said, but I took notes and marked the speakers that I know I'll need to go back to and read. Perhaps because it was so near the end I recall it better, but I was moved by Elder Holland's talk. I felt touched at his sincerity. I loved how he said that somehow, through all the messages and various topics, which are unassigned, that those who listen by the spirit to the messages prepared by the spirit would receive a "personal epistle." I felt that was true for me.

I had many questions that I wanted to receive answers to. I felt that even though most were not directly answered (or perhaps I just mean as directly as I would have liked) I felt the spirit alerting me to the speakers and topics that I would want to listen to and read later, that by future study, I might find the answers I seek. In other words, the answers I seek are there, but I need to do a little more work to obtain them. I'm okay with that.

I have been in many spiritual places in my life, some places have been very dark, some have been very bright. I can't help being grateful to be at a place where listening to conference is important to me. True, I have had to make some decisions about what I feel is important for me, but I also feel that the power to obtain the blessings I've obtained have come from my Father in Heaven. I feel a little bit like a boat, where my small, little rudder, or my will, is effective enough to direct my course, but only when coupled with the powerful driving force of the Lord's wind. Only with his help can I stay on course...

You be the judge

Allusions have been made between me and this guy... you be the judge!



Maybe some similarities....

Spring Break at the Library

I am at the Marriott Library right now, on campus at the U. It's pretty quiet which doesn't surprise me for Spring Break. You may be asking yourself, "Micah, why are you at the library on Spring Break?" And I would answer, "because I'm a nerd." Hahaha - only kind of kidding...

In any case, it's kind of fun being here when it's so empty. A lot of the tables have been cleared away and the carpets have been/are being cleaned, so it smells "soapy." About 10 minutes ago I almost had a heart attack at a scraping/click-ey noise right above my head, but then Ella Fitzgerald's voice came streaming through the intercom. Someone turned on some old-time music (Pandora?) and they are piping it through the intercom system. Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstong, now Frank Sinatra is singing, "Just the way you look tonight." I might be annoyed any other day, but I love this type of music, the 40's/50's, big band type stuff - classic! To think I could be at work/home right now missing this! I love having unexpected experiences in familiar settings. I like a little extaordinary in an ordinary day.

The real reason I'm here is for the internet so I can update my financial aid for grad school (I just LOVE how that sounds!!) and check my emails. I do have some homework to do this week and I didn't want to go out of town or anything, so I think I will enjoy doing homework "at my own pace" and hopefully stay on top of things. I don't know how I did on my midterms (I still have one next week), so I am trying not to think about it, but it's hard!

More info

I felt good about applying to Grad School and felt confident I was going to get in, but then the doubts came...

Especially when all the Audiology students were hearing back, but not the SLP students - granted, they have a different admission committee, but still.

Then I was talking to a friend who said they normally have about 60 people apply and admit about 25-30 people. Normally. Because of the economy, this year was different. They had about 187 applications!! 3 times the "normal" amount. I have not asked (nor do I want to) how many people they admitted. I'm guessing they admitted more than usual, but still! After thinking about it, I realized that I should be even more honored than I was at first. This was never a competition for me, but hearing that 187 people applied suddenly made me feel like it was. In any case, I am even more humbled that they accepted me and feel like this is definitely the right thing for me to be doing.

(Now if I could just lose like a hundred pounds, life would be REALLY awesome!!!)

I GOT IN!!!

Just a quick note before I head off to my midterms...

I have been accepted into the Graduate School Program for Speech Communication Disorders (i.e., Speech-Langauge Pathology) for this Fall!!!

I can't express how excited I am. This feels like a miracle for me and I look back and see how I have had Heavenly Father's help through this process. I feel like this is a huge confirmation of where I am supposed to me and what I'm supposed to be doing.

Thanks to everyone for your encouragement and support - it has meant so much to me! Now if I can just get through these midterms....!!! Aaaagggghhhh!!!!

Update

Today marks the third day in a weird mourning trifecta. It started with my Grandpa's passing and funeral, then my dad's birthday and today is the anniversary of his passing. It came quickly this year. I can't believe it's been four years already. I still remember everything like it was yesterday. It seems like so much has changed so quickly, until I realize that the only thing that has really changed is me.

I think I've grown up a lot in the last 4 years. I hope in ways that my dad would be proud of me. I've certainly taken some risks, especially going back to school, but I feel like that has all been a part of my growth as well.

I've learned a lot too. I don't know that I can put it all into words, so I won't attempt to, but I'm glad for what I've gone through these last 4 years. I really wouldn't trade it for anything.

I know I'm in the right place. I feel like I'm where I need to be. I miss my dad; I miss sharing with him the things I've learned and the ways I've grown, but I know that he knows all that. And I know he is in the right place; I know he's where he needs to be, I just sometimes wish that his "right place" was still here.

This past week...

This past week has been a good week, but also a rough one. My grandpa's funeral was nice. It was great to see family that I hadn't seen for awhile; obviously, not the best circumstances, but still, it was good to see them.

It's annoying that life doesn't stop. Work is still there; school is still there; etc. Just life in general keeps going. I know that it isn't just my grandpa's passing that's hard. My dad has been on my mind a lot too. His birthday was Wednesday and the anniversary of his death is next Friday. I still miss him, but know he is near. I feel torn between being sad for relationships that ended too soon and also being... I don't know how to describe it... maybe "all mourned out" is the best way to say it.

I think I just need to plan to take some time to get away from everything. I don't know where or when, but I think if life isn't going to stop, then maybe I need to be the one to "stop."

My step-mom shared with us a gift that she was given by a lady in HR who had helped them quite a bit when my dad first got sick. My step-mom had commented that she was sad my dad would never get his well deserved retirement party, i.e., recognition for his 20+ years working for the church. Well, this thoughtful HR lady gave my step-mom a piece of granite from the original temple building site on temple square with a plaque on it honoring my dad for his service. It was a really nice gesture and very thoughtful. I'll have to get a picture of it.

Hope is elusive sometimes isn't it? Maybe I get so used to it at times that I misplace it without realizing; then I get doubtful. But that is part of the good news of the gospel, that hope is still there just waiting for me to remember it and pick it back up again. It comforts me each time. I wrote a poem during a hopeful moment when I was struggling with my dad's illness. I know I've posted it before, but the post was a little long so I'll just copy and paste it here again. (If you want to read the longer post, you can read it here.)

I really do have a lot to be thankful for...

Gratitude

We had time to talk,

to listen,

to understand,

We had time to laugh,

to wonder,

to explore,

We had time to reach out,

to heal,

to mend,

We had time to ponder,

to remember,

to learn,

We had time to live,

We had time to love,

and, in time...

We will have eternity.

Micah James Foster

For Robert Dennis Foster

Mar. 2, 1947 – Mar. 11, 2007