Templates

Well I did end up doing my taxes. And I get a refund, so that is nice! Only I was annoyed that I had to select the "wait for a check" option, because when I went to the library I hadn't "planned" on doing my taxes, so I didn't have my bank routing number and such. Lame. Another reason why I hate not having the internet at home, but in the end, it's saving me money and I can live with waiting a few weeks for my check.

Switching gears: You know how blogs have "templates" you can follow? Well, I have been thinking about templates in the mind. (Yes, I am nerdy enough to wonder about this on a regular day, but this thought also coincides with my Language Development class where we are talking about language as a construct of the mind vs. biological function, and how they influence each other, etc.) By template I mean the beliefs through which I navigate the world. Some people refer to this as a "belief window" or a "belief filter" all of which catch the essence of what I mean by a template. Anyway, what I've decided is that my template has been all wrong.

I won't go into all the reasons, but I have been approaching the world (and my relationships for the most part) with the belief that I am inadequate or inferior in some way; i.e., that I don't "measure up." Most of the problems I have in life, either stem from, or are connected to this belief. It makes sense that I would be afraid of a lot of things. It makes sense that I would hesitate to really pursue a better life for myself. It's because I've been working from this template of inferiority. In other words, I go out into the world saying I want validation, but even when I get it, it doesn't mean anything because I'm viewing it in a framework of not being good enough. Like why I have such a problem accepting compliments.

It's actually a relief to me to make this realization. I know I won't be able to change it overnight, but being aware means that I CAN change it. I really feel that this inspiration is a gift from my Heavenly Father. He knows how much I want to change and he knows how much I want to understand Agency this year. This is the perfect opportunity for me to do that; to use the agency he's given me to choose a different template. To decide that I am going to learn how to approach life with courage, rather than fear.

Now if I can just figure out how to change the template on my blog...