Relating

How do I say this... I just can't relate to some people.

Or, at least, I thought I couldn't.

I was talking to a friend* recently and we seemed to be going through some similar difficulties. That, in and of itself, might not seem like such a big deal, but it's really a matter of perspective. You see, I had unwittingly placed this person on a bit of a pedestal and believed that because of this individual's physical characteristics, I naturally assumed that life was easier for this person than for me. I didn't even realize I had done that - until I found myself relating to what this person was going through. It was an odd moment for me and I had a flash of realization concerning my beliefs about myself and others. I realized how easily I had minimized myself in comparison to this person and how natural it felt for me to consider myself inferior - primarily based on appearance.

I think what it really boils down to is the discovery that I have based my worth on appearance. The attractive kids in school were the ones that got all the attention. They were also ones making fun of me and "helped" affirm the belief that I was inferior and that I didn't fit in.

I realize now that it wasn't the fact that they made fun of me/were popular that was the problem; it was the fact that I bought into that idea and adopted it into my own beliefs. That's kind of a hard thing to accept because it means I can't really fault the people who made me feel bad - the fault was really mine for believing them.

I have to say, I'm really humbled by what I've learned. It made me conscious of beliefs that were unconscious and that alone is valuable. But the hard part now is changing my beliefs and changing my thoughts. I remember a talk by someone in my ward from some time ago, she shared a statement that her father drilled into them. When they expressed frustration at something that was hard, he would add to their statement "...and you can do hard things." I'm glad that message has come back to me now because he's right. Changing my thoughts is hard, and I can do hard things.


*Just to clarify, I don't think anyone reading this blog would know this individual as this person is not in my usual circle of friends, but I still want to protect their privacy so I'm not mentioning this person's name! In other words, don't ask me who it is!