Summer semester

So, I've started back up again with school and I really kinda hate being in school during the summer, however, I think it would be worse to take the summer off. I feel like it would really disrupt the flow and I also think I would lose a lot of momentum that the last couple of really intense semesters built up. And, it's only one summer and I never have to go back to school again if I don't want to, right? So I can tough it out. Actually, it a shorter semester, so that really does help a little bit too.

I am enjoying having long hair, although, I have to admit, I don't love it first thing in the morning when it's flying about my head like I've been electrocuted all night long, but that's what conditioner is for! Yesterday in class it was bugging me, so I put it in a ponytail. This is the first time I've actually worn my hair in a ponytail in public. It grows in layers, so I had to bobbypin a few loose strands, but that's the advantage to being in a program with so many girls, never too far from a bobbypin!

There's a chance I may have to cut it though. I am in the process of trying to set up some externships for next Spring, which will be our last semester, and I keep getting rejected. It was suggested to me that perhaps my hair is part of the reason. I hope not; I mean I keep it clean and styled, so it's not like I look like I'm homeless (no offense to the homeless!!). But we do live in a conservative state and it's possible that it could be a deterrent. I haven't really decided what to do, but I am leaning toward cutting it. That would make me sad, but it's not worth the possibility of not getting an externship either.

Oh wow! As I'm typing this I just realized why I would be sad to cut my hair. So I've been working on losing weight and it's not been going very well. I think somewhere in the back of my mind I was hoping to lose more weight so that when I do cut my hair it would feel more significant, like having a biggest loser makeover or something. Cutting my hair now, while I'm overweight, feels like I'm having to let that dream go. Maybe it was a dumb idea anyway. I probably would get more out of life just liking myself the way I am rather than always thinking I have to look a certain way to be happy. It's true, "looking a certain" way would bring a measure of happiness, but it wouldn't be lasting or secure. I do know people who changed their appearance, but never changed their mindset and the change of appearance didn't last, or at least, didn't last very long - because it didn't actually change how they thought or what they thought of themselves.

I know true happiness should come from the inside out, but it's hard to remember when so many really attractive people seem so happy... It makes me wonder, are they attractive because they are happy with themselves, or are they happy with themselves because they know they are attractive? I am such a black and white thinker - does it have to be one way or the other? Is it possible that maybe it's okay to have a little of both? What do you think, blog readers?