I've always had a thing about whether or not I should do something depending on whether or not I felt my motivation for it was right or wrong. For example: If I felt that my motivation to exercise was to "look good," then I would feel that that was shallow, superficial motivation and I wouldn't follow through on my commitment to exercise. On the other hand, if my motivation was to really take care of my health, then that was a "right" motivation, and I'd do the "right" things.
Essentially, I've wanted to do the right things FOR the right reason's and if I didn't have the right reason's, then I didn't do anything, even the "right" things. I know that's flawed logic, but there it is. (I must have adopted this view when I was little and when you're little, logic isn't at the forefront of your decision making processes...)
The problem is, we live in a world where we can't truly "see" good health. Don't get me wrong, to some degree good health equates to looking good. It's true that in general people who are healthy, also look good... usually. I do know some people who are healthy, but don't have a "perfect" body that "looks good." And certainly, not everyone who looks good is healthy (chain-smokers are pretty thin, but that's not a body I'd want!). And I'm just going to say it, skinny or not, some people are just ugly and it's not their fault! My point is, I guess I'm not the only one who sometimes gets distracted by appearances. Sure I would love to look good without having to actually work for it. Buying a ton of new clothes is easy. Plastic surgery is easy. Popping pills is easy. The problem is, when I change things on the outside I only change them on the outside and that extrinsic motivation fades - usually pretty quickly and usually with a bag of Oreo's!
Anyway, I realized that, while in and of itself, wanting to look good isn't necessarily bad, what is bad is that I wanted it without wanting to work for it. I thought looking good meant being worth something, and being more acceptable in society, so I was desperate to have it. Desperation doesn't usually lend itself well to wanting to work hard at making lasting positive life changes, just FYI.
But when I think about my health - may actual health, aside from appearance, then I start to ask questions about how I feel about myself on the inside; that's hard work sometimes. There are things about myself I don't want to admit to. But I also realize that my health is infinitely more important than my appearance. I DO want good health. I don't want to go through what my dad did with cancer. I don't want to live my life on a motorized scooter or barely able to get off the couch like some people. I don't want to live my life being sick, weak, uncomfortable and embarrassed or ashamed of myself all the time. I DO want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want to travel and explore the world and try new things. I want to meet new people and see how they live. I want to hear other's perspectives on life. I want to find life enjoyable and fun. That can only come from good health, not just good appearances.
I guess the whole "wanting to look good to be accepted by others" is just another aspect of trying to find acceptance from outside myself, as if that could somehow give me permission to accept myself on the inside. But that only gives other people the power to determine my worth or how I should feel about myself. (No wonder I've felt weak and like a victim - I've chosen to put myself in that position!) The agency, or ability to choose how I feel about myself, is something I should NEVER give away. (But I see it all the time in other people too, so I guess I'm not the only one.)
I almost cringe now when I hear people respond to why they want to lose weight... "to look good!" among other things. What they're really saying is, I want to look good to other people, i.e., to be more acceptable. What about the people who say, "I don't care what other people think, I want to like what I see in the mirror?" People who really love themselves, don't look down on themselves - even when they acknowledge something they want to change. Again, if all you want is to change what you see in the mirror than you are only changing for superficial reasons! In other words, the mirror becomes a symbolic reflection of what you think the world thinks of you based on your appearance. Am I rambling now? I feel like I'm rambling. Is this making any sense?
My point is, looking good might be a nice side benefit to being healthy, but in and of itself, it just isn't enough of a "right" motivation to work hard at being healthy. The desire to be healthy should come from a desire to really be your best self and free you to enjoy living the life you want to live. There is so much joy and abundance in the world, but it takes being healthy to be apart of it.
No comments:
Post a Comment