Saturday was a fun day for a lot of reasons. It was our family reunion and we went to Lagoon. I have so many un-fond memories of Lagoon that I was having a hard time going; but my desire to see my cousins won out. Thank goodness. I wasn't there for very long, but it was great getting together and seeing how everybody was doing. It was strange, but I had a moment of "connectedness" that I didn't expect. I don't know that I can really describe it better than that; but it was something like feeling I was part of something. It was a good feeling and I am glad to have the family I have. Each in their own way are special, and I love all of them!
It was also an opportunity to let go of something. I gave all the lapidary* stuff I had from dad and grandpa, to my cousin Cam. I was holding on to it because of the memories I had being with dad and grandpa, rock hunting, metal detecting, panning for gold, etc. I imagined that as soon as I got into my own house, I would set up a "rock" shop and start cutting and polishing rocks. But over the last few months, I've realized that that idea was built more out of a nostalgic longing, than an actual plan. My intent was to hold on to something and the physical materials made it seem more real, but I had to ask myself, what am I really holding on to? I was holding on to memories, memories of being with my dad and enjoying his company and, if I might indulge my recollections, feeling like he enjoyed my company too.
I miss him. I think I'm having a harder time than I've been willing to acknowledge to myself lately. Especially now that school is starting. He always gave me a blessing before starting school. Oh, I know there a number of people around me who would give me a blessing if I asked, but it isn't the same. I'm reminded of part of my remarks at my friend Kim's funeral, I talked about how you don't lose someone just once, but that you lose them over and over. When you walk into their room, hear a song that reminds you of them, etc., you feel like you lose them again. Even after three years I still feel that, especially with school starting. Somethings are different though. As I said in my talk, with the help of time passing, I don't see all the ways I've lost him, but all the ways he is with me. That is a comfort and I think why I felt that "connection" at the family reunion. It reminded me that we are sealed to each other through Priesthood and Temple ordinances and no power on earth can divide that. We will be together again and I long for that day to arrive.
In the meantime, I'm trying to be realistic about what I hold on to. Hence, the giving away of the lapidary supplies. I know they mean a lot to Cam too, and I'm glad that they are going to someone who will use them, love using them, and hopefully, keeps that connection alive and well.
Thanks to everyone who came to the family reunion, it was great seeing you all and I love you!!
*Lapidary for the uninitiated is a fancy word that means rock cutting.
