The Fall of Micah

First off, just let me say, I wish I had more interesting things to blog about. I always find myself fascinated by other blogger's posts and wonder how they can find such interesting things to say. Then I realized - they are pretty much blogging about their average day, but because it's not my life, it sounds interesting. Maybe I'll try to add more posts about mundane things and see what happens.

I'll spare you the background story and get right to the point of my next thought. (My sister's will tell you - I'm a horrible storyteller, so I'm doing you a favor! You're welcome! *SNAP*) This is the Fall of Micah. So you know how some people say's it's "their year?" Great things are about to happen; they can feel it coming. As if a distant train, bearing a cornucopia of blessings, is speeding toward them with nothing but a faint rumbling in the ground to announce it's approach. For some people, the train has more of a timetable and it's not just their year, but their season, for example, "this is going to be the Summer of Carl," or whatever. Well, that's how I feel with Grad School starting this Fall. It's the Fall of Micah. I feel like great things are going to happen. There's an anticipation I can't describe or even attach to any specific future event - I just think life is going to be great! (Someone suggested to me the Autumn of Micah, but it didn't have the same ring to it.) Quite frankly, I feel like I have been 'falling' most of my life and I appreciate the irony of finally 'landing' on my feet during a Fall. (It's amazing how many good things can come from a Fall! And, yes, that was a shout out to Adam and Eve! And, no, it's not just you, I'm cringing at my own lame-ness!!) So, this is the Fall of Micah.

On a different note. Most of my job now is to conduct phone surveys. (Yes, it's as much fun as it sounds!) Here is what I look like at work with my headset on:

Here's how I feel about wearing it!

Just typing my thoughts...

So I bought a new phone recently and I love it! It's a Thunderbolt by HTC; it's a smartphone with the capability to become a hotspot. In other words, I now have access to the internet anywhere I can get a cell phone signal AND I can run the internet off my computer from it! I LOVE it!!! I mean, I HEART it!!! (As a side note, I also love that I can feel like Harry Potter by saying that I have my very own Thunderbolt!! Yeah, I'm a nerd - I totally "own" it!!)

I cancelled my home internet about a year ago to save money and I'm really glad I did. Quite frankly, I can't believe I did without the internet at home for A YEAR!! But I really felt that with starting grad school in the Fall, not to mention my online summer class, that it was becoming more of a need. I did the first half of my summer class without it and it was tough. I had to go to the Library and be there ALL day - it was becoming extremely hard to do. Having the internet has made it significantly easier to participate in an online class - imagine that! It was good timing actually, my online class has gotten much harder where it requires me to do much more research. I thought I would be bored only working 3 days a week, but now that I have so much to do for this class, it's turned out to be a blessing.

Crikey! I just realized that I keep saying "starting school in the Fall," when I just realized - that's next month! Great googly-moogly!! I can't believe how good it feels to say "I'm starting Grad school next month!"

AAAAGGGGHHHHH!!! (kind of freaking out here!)

It almost seems surreal in a way. It was just about a year ago I was contemplating life and my direction when I made a decision to go back to school. Looking back, it's amazing to see how everything has fallen into place. For me it feels like some kind of divine intervention. A part of me wants to believe that all that has happened was somehow "meant to be," but I've learned another lesson. Sometimes, Heavenly Father just wants to bless me and He is capable of making things work out in such a way that it feels like fate or destiny or whatever. But really, it's just love. He loves to bless me when I choose to do good things. I know for a fact that I wouldn't be here without Him. I know that all the good things that have happened to me have been His doing. I also know that all the bad things I've been through have been for my good too. I don't know how to express that idea adequately so I'll save that thought for another day. Suffice it to say: I may have made some choices, but He made it all possible.

Homemade Syrup

I miss the Saturday mornings when my dad would make us homemade syrup for our pancakes or french toast*. I remember him getting out the little sauce pot (hardly ever used because my mom normally cooks for an army!) and would put in some water and measure out some sugar. Then he’d separate it and make different flavored syrups, maple, orange, or even just plain, once in a while. I think he may have even put in a little food coloring just to make it interesting.

(I snagged this photo off the web w/o permission,
i.e. it's not a photo of my own!)

It seems like such a simple thing now, but I remember it made those mornings feel special – I suppose because it was out of the ordinary. And not only did he not do it often, I never knew of anyone else who could do that at all. Just one more of those surprising things that my dad knew how to do. He seemed so average most of the time and then out of nowhere he’d whip out this special skill he’d been hiding – who knows from where and who knows from how long ago. In fact, in a way, it seemed like these secret things he knew how to do were just a part of him, somehow written into his DNA, patiently waiting for the day they were needed. I bet he had a whole lot of other useful knowledge tucked away in secret corners of his mind, just waiting to be needed for special occasions. He knew how to make syrup. He knew how to make bullets. He could build a camp fire out of almost nothing. He always knew what was wrong with my car. I miss the things he could have taught me, but I’m also grateful for the memories I have of the ordinary days he made special with just a bit of syrup.

*Occasionally we made the "poor man's snow cone," by going outside to make snowballs, then bring them inside and pour on the syrup (we let the syrup cool a little so it didn't melt the snow all at once!).

I LOVE ridiculous things! (Big, blue, spoon-loving ridiculous things!)

As evidenced by my fascination with this guy...

I loved the cartoon when it was on t.v. Which is why I bought both seasons! I've been re-watching them and they are hilarous!! Truly campy and ridiculous, but just my type of humor. (FYI, a little disappointed in the live action t.v. series [even though I bought that too!], but the cartoon - totally entertaining.) My favorite episode is "The Little Wooden Boy and the Belly of Love." I mean, seriously, the title alone, right!? And how can you not love a cartoon where an evil santa multiplies and the only way to eliminate the extra santa's is by generating static by rubbing them together - priceless!!

Uhhh... or maybe you just had to be there.

The speed of June

Why is June so busy? What is it about Summer that things pick up so much? I feel like I have something going on every other day. I think I am partly freaking out because of all the things coming up this Fall. Starting the Master's program, moving in Oct (I'm house-sitting for a year and a half), and the uncertainty of how I'm going to pay for it all!! AAAGGHHH!!!

Okay, I'm not really freaking out THAT much! But still... I feel like I really wanted to enjoy the summer and it's just moving too fast! I think a lot of my anticipation is really excitement more than nerves. I feel like my life is changing so quickly, but in ways that I've needed and wanted, I don't know how to describe it - it's just a strange time of my life.

Things are busy, but life is pretty good.

Hi

Hi.

Not much to say today.

Just "Hi."

Relating

How do I say this... I just can't relate to some people.

Or, at least, I thought I couldn't.

I was talking to a friend* recently and we seemed to be going through some similar difficulties. That, in and of itself, might not seem like such a big deal, but it's really a matter of perspective. You see, I had unwittingly placed this person on a bit of a pedestal and believed that because of this individual's physical characteristics, I naturally assumed that life was easier for this person than for me. I didn't even realize I had done that - until I found myself relating to what this person was going through. It was an odd moment for me and I had a flash of realization concerning my beliefs about myself and others. I realized how easily I had minimized myself in comparison to this person and how natural it felt for me to consider myself inferior - primarily based on appearance.

I think what it really boils down to is the discovery that I have based my worth on appearance. The attractive kids in school were the ones that got all the attention. They were also ones making fun of me and "helped" affirm the belief that I was inferior and that I didn't fit in.

I realize now that it wasn't the fact that they made fun of me/were popular that was the problem; it was the fact that I bought into that idea and adopted it into my own beliefs. That's kind of a hard thing to accept because it means I can't really fault the people who made me feel bad - the fault was really mine for believing them.

I have to say, I'm really humbled by what I've learned. It made me conscious of beliefs that were unconscious and that alone is valuable. But the hard part now is changing my beliefs and changing my thoughts. I remember a talk by someone in my ward from some time ago, she shared a statement that her father drilled into them. When they expressed frustration at something that was hard, he would add to their statement "...and you can do hard things." I'm glad that message has come back to me now because he's right. Changing my thoughts is hard, and I can do hard things.


*Just to clarify, I don't think anyone reading this blog would know this individual as this person is not in my usual circle of friends, but I still want to protect their privacy so I'm not mentioning this person's name! In other words, don't ask me who it is!

Verdict is in!

Woohoo!! I finally got my grades from last semester - 2 A's and an A-!!! (It took forever because one teacher moved to AZ at the end of the semester, so I'm pretty sure someone else in the department had to post her grades...) I'm pretty happy about the outcome, which is progress... the old me would have been quite annoyed at the "minus," but the new me is totally okay with it.

Okay, honestly, it bugs me a little, BUT I'll get used to it!

Give me a break, change takes time!

New Semester

I start school today... again. Last week flew by, but I do feel that I was able to relax and enjoy it a little, so that's good.

My class is an online class through USU. I'm not a huge fan of online classes per se, because I don't feel there's a lot of consistency - or maybe I'm just lazy and unmotivated. Well, knowing that I HAVE to do well in this class to be able to start the Master's program at the U will hopefully be motivation enough. I did learn today that there are weekly quizzes; I'm actually glad as I hope that will keep me on track!

The only minor issue now is the fact that I don't have the internet at home. Pop quiz: do you think NOT having the internet would make an online class harder or easier? Answer: Umm.. Harder! Much, much harder. (Duh!)

My plan has been to wait until my cell phone plan is up for renewal and then upgrade to a phone that has "hot spot" capability, through which I can then run the internet on my computer off my phone. I'm not eligible for an upgrade until June 24th or some other such non-sense!! Grrrr... Oh well, I've been "making do" so far, I guess I can keep it up for a couple more months.

Bottom line: Online classes are T - U - F tough, without the "online!"

Freedom! ...now what?

I am done with the semester as of last Friday!!! Whoohoo!! I am FREE!!


For a week.

Then I have to start my online class for the Summer. Bummer. Normally, I would not be taking an online class - way too easy for me to blow off. I like classroom learning much better; that and I am not motivated enough on my own... usually. I am hoping that the fact that I am "conditionally" accepted into the Master's program will be enough to keep me on track!

However, my big worry now is what to do with myself for the next week. I was so busy with school that I didn't make a plan for my time off. Me and unplanned free-time equals disaster. I usually end up totally wasting my time on frivolous stuff, then agonizing how I "should have done this or that!" No more "should!" I hate that word, but I hate it even more when I "should" all over myself.

So I'll hit the Temple tomorrow because I haven't been "in awhile." Then who knows. Do a little writing, a little painting, you know, whatever. Maybe this time I'll try something new - actually enjoying the break and not beating myself up for not being 110% productive 120% of the time. Hey I know! See a movie! It's been so long since I've just gone to a movie... and I still haven't seen the King's Speech... so I guess I have lots of catching up to do!!

(Ever notice how I use lots of "quotation marks" when I type? Guess what, I do that in real life too - lots of "air quotes" - I don't know why - always been that way!)