Now that's a bad day!

I just LOVE ths picture, it makes me laugh EVERY time I see it!!!

Lately, it serves as two reminders: 1) No matter how bad I think my day is, someone out there is having a worse one; and 2) Even a bad day can end up being a good laugh.

Not that my days have been terrible, or anything. I AM having a hard time at work; that's no secret though. I have a great job and the money is good, but I am reaching a point in my life where I feel the need to contribute. I want to feel that someone else's life was just a little better today because I was there and I was their friend. Not that I need any recognition; I just need to feel like I was useful to someone. That's what makes me feel important and worthwhile. My job doesn't give me that. I know that any condition we're in is only temporary. My sister's quote on her blog from Robert Frost is timely for me as well. He said, "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."

I love that reminder because it IS hard to remember. I recently gave a lesson in Elder's Quorum about the storms of life and how they can "cloud" our perspective because they are all we see, and so often it's hard to see past the boistrous winds and waves, and we become overwhelmed and afraid. I should say, "I become overwhelmed and afraid...," because I can't speak for anyone else. That's just been my experience. But life goes on. the storms pass. (The point of my lesson was that the Savior is our Rock in those times and he has the power to calm ALL storms, the natural, as well as emotional, storms of life.)

That's why I am looking forward to school so much. I have no illusions that it will be easy. I know working full-time and going to school full-time is going to wear on me, but I am excited because I know that this profession (Speech Language Pathology) is a step toward living a life of purpose.

My challenge now is to be patient. I don't do that well. I know, like any skill, it takes practice and I am grateful that I see this time in my life as an opportunity to improve that skill. It helps me realize that my Father in Heaven is not so concerned with my happiness that he won't allow me the growth that comes from trials. Let me say that another way, more than he wants me to be happy, he wants me to be better. With faith, trials make us better; with fear, trials make us bitter. Sometimes it's a fine line, but most of the time it's really just a choice.

Ughh! I SO hate taking responsibility for myself!! That, like patience, is also something I am not naturally inclined to. I've spent so much of my life blaming other people and circumstances for my unhappiness, that I have a "natural" tendancy to point the finger at anything and everyone but me. The last couple of years, however, have taught me that it's time to stop blaming everyone else and start being accountable for my own choices. It's amazing, but when I do, I feel free. I guess I would have thought that finally admitting that I am to blame for many of the bad things that have happened to me would have overwhelmed me with guilt and regret, and to a certain extent I do feel that at times, but, unexpectedly, I sometimes receive the same miracle that the Savior's disciples received (Matthew 8:26):

"Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm."

Now that's a good day!

At work we've been reading a book called "How Full is your Bucket" and as a project we've been filling people's bucket - kind of like a secret santa - with encouragement, praise, etc.

Anyway, I went to a meeting and when I came back to my cubicle I had paper posted all over the place. They were notes from my co-workers with compliments for and about me. It was very touching and I really needed it. I've been having a hard time at work lately and it was humbling to feel like I'm making a difference, or at the very least, having a positive impact on others.

I gathered up the strips and put them behind my computer where I can see them...

It made my day and will probably be one of the best surprises I've ever had!! Thank you Jennie!!! (My secret santa bucket filler!)

A particular kind of music

So, I really do like all kinds of music (except country music, which is an oxymoron!). But occasionally, when I'm feeling sombre or melancholy, I like music that is soft and makes me feel like I'm floating. I don't know why it's so comforting, or soothing, but I sometimes really need it to de-stress.


I recently came across one such song on the soundtrack to the movie Corpse Bride. I have always liked this movie, and the score, but there was one song that really seemed to match my need for calmness. I played this song over and over for a couple of days. I guess I'm totally stupid, because I just now realized that my need to comfort has of course been influenced by the difficulties of the past week with my friend passing away and reliving some things from my past.

In any case, I was pondering why this music was so touching to me and why I was so affected by it. And then, more slowly than suddenly, I realized what it is. It captures the sweetness of time passing. I'm usually in a rush to get things done, I never seem to have the time to do all the things that need to get done in a day. But listening to that song, and others like it, reminds me to slow down and appreciate the things that can't be rushed.

I feel a little emabarassed to admit this, but I woke up this morning far too early and I couldn't get that phrase "time passing sweetly" out of my head, so I went to my computer and wrote down my thoughts. It turns out, I wrote it in poem form. I wanted to share it here, but I'm not a poet, so I'm a little embarassed at how juvenile it must sound (I give you permission to make fun of me!). But in any case, I hope it serves me as a reminder that some things cannot be rushed, and it's okay to slow down and appreciate them. And fortunately, I have great music to help me do that.



Time Passing Sweetly

There’s always so much to do.
Each day is filled with things to be done,
Rushing from one task to another;
Because,
After all,
There’s only so much time in a day.

But there are moments in life
Where time is not measured by the quantity of accomplishments.

These are moments of time passing sweetly.

Have you ever been alone in the woods and listened?
Somehow, beneath the birds chirping,
Beyond the insects buzzing,
Past the wind sighing,
You can almost feel the trees growing;
There, time passes sweetly.

Have you ever sat and watched a day end?
To see the sun slowly descend,
To see the rays of light cast a golden glow through the air,
To see the clouds washed with color,
To see the sky darken into the solitude of night;
That is time passing sweetly.

And there are other evidences of time passing sweetly.

In the thin, sometimes fluffy, white hair,
In the wrinkles and lines of age,
In the stooped shoulders that have borne so many burdens,
In the step, not quite as sure as it used to be,
In the hands, bent and misshapen, but with the warmest touch,
I see time passing sweetly.

And one day,
Our hearts will be mended.
All our cuts, bruises, scars, and deformities will be healed;
Where we are in pain, where we are damaged and broken,
All will be repaired.
But,
Most thankfully,
Our hearts will be mended;
As time passes sweetly.

This is the comfort in the promise of Eternity;
Time passing sweetly.

Tragedy in the Holladay 29th Ward

I don't know if I've ever said how much I love my single's ward. But I love it. Alot. I have seen the 29th ward go through some pretty significant changes over the past 10 years that I've been in it. While it is always changing, the one thing that hasn't changed is how I feel when I'm there. The ward is not just a ward to me, but a family. I love everyone there, even if I don't know them that well.

Such is the case with Kim and Joe. Kim Evans and Joe Clark are in our ward family and our hearts go out to them, and especially Kim's family. For those of you who may not know, yesterday (Saturday June 26th) Joe and Kim were hiking when they fell into a river and Kim was swept away over a waterfall (Bell's Canyon). Joe was rescued and lifeflighted to Intermountain Medical Center. He's not as injured as news reports indicated, but I can't imagine what he's feeling. He remembers everything that happened. Kim has yet to be found. They called off the search yesterday, when it became too dark, but they are resuming again this morning. I haven't heard anything yet, but I do know that late afternoon yesterday rescuers told the family that they were not hopeful they could find her alive. It is a recovery effort, not a rescue effort, at this point.

I still pray for a miracle. I know that my Heavenly Father is a God of Miracles, but I also know that he holds all life in his hands. When all else fails to help us understand his will, it is essential that we accept it. Isaiah 55:8-9 says that his ways are higher than our ways, his thoughts higher than our thoughts. That gives me hope that he knows what he's doing and I trust him. It's hard to lose a member of my ward family and it brings back a lot of painful memories of when my own father passed away. But along with the pain, there is peace. I also remember the things I have learned as a result of losing a loved one and going through such a difficult experience.

I know that God lives. I know that He loves all of His children. I know that in His desire to have us come home to Him, He provided a Savior, who is Jesus Christ. I know that the Savior suffered the bitterest agonies of our pains, our losses, and our sins, so that we might not have to suffer. It's okay to feel pain, to feel loss and sorrow, but suffering is not necessary. I know that because He died and was resurrected that all of God's children born to this earth will be resurrected. These gifts, of which I can only barely begin to comprehend, allow us to return to the presence of our Father. Only because of the Savior are we allowed the opportunity to return to His presence, and our choices in this life determine whether or not we stay in His presence. If Kim has not survived this fall, I know that she will definitely be going home to stay.

Modem fail

My modem was dropping my internet connection, like, literally, every 5 minutes. I finally called and they said they would send me a new one in two business days. I got it and set it up and it seems to be working great.

It was only two business days and I thought I was going to die. I can't believe that I need the internet SO MUCH that it would elicit such a strong feeling of desperation and anxiety. The thing is, I really enjoy non-electronic forms of diversion, such as walking, hiking, writing, painting, cooking, reading, etc. that I really shouldn't feel DEPENDENT on having the internet.

But I do - the internet is my source of information. If I have a question, I don't think about going to the library, or looking in the phone book (I can't even believe they still make them...), or whatever. My information trifecta is Google, Wikipedia, and IMDb (pretty much in that order). And I do place a lot of value on electronic entertainment, movies and music mostly, which I need the internet for. I guess I'm a sucker. I want to have a simpler life that is NOT dependent on electronics, but I get sucked in by it's accessability and reliability (when my modem is working) and that fact that it's available 24/7.

I think we're pretty spoiled, actually, to have this much technology and while it promotes connecting people over long-distances, it can also alienate close-distance relationships as well. Double-edged sword, I guess.

Anyway, my point is, I'm glad to have a working modem again!

Some pics

I finally got around to sorting through some photos I've taken recently. Here are a few.

My sister likes Orange flowers and I don't know how often she runs across them in China, so I bought some and took some pictures of them for her.











This is the elusive K. This is how she looks about 82.5% of the times I've seen her. I made her put "cami" away for Hometeaching: Dancing Edition...


My friend Kat and I went to Donut Falls up Big Cottonwood Canyon. It was still pretty, in spite of the sleet coming down.



These were on the trail. I love Aspens!






From far away it looks like she's anxious to leave (something to do with the freak hale storm, maybe?)



But if you look closely, you can see she's smiling...



There are a few things that never seem to turn out in photos the way they look in real life. I tried anyway.



I loved that you could see the whole moon sort of "backlit." It's much more striking in real life!



I love storms! I was at my mom's house in Lehi as this storm was going by. I went outside, like I usually do in severe weather and was rewarded with this view of a rainbow:




A week or so ago there was a sunset that made the sky look like it was on fire. Unfortunately, I was driving and not able to take any pictures until it had almost faded completely. When I was finally able to park and get out my camera, this is what I got. Not as intense as it was a few minutes before, but still pretty I think.




I'm still working on sorting through the 400+ photos I took on my Memorial Day trip to Manila, so stay tuned - more to come...

The status is totally quo

Wow, time flies. I didn't realize I hadn't posted for so long. Sorry peeps. I've been pretty good lately. I am looking forward more and more to school starting in the Fall. Still not really sure what's gonna happen with my school/work schedule, but I'm sure the Lord will help me work it out.

I am excited for our ward's art show tomorrow. I've got a few pieces I'm going to show and I'm really excited to see what other people have done, as well as get ideas for new projects. I've been working on one for a co-worker (that's 2 now! soon I may have to start charging!), and I love how it's turning out. It's really hard to let it go, but I just hope she likes it! I'll find out Thursday!! If I remember I'll try to take a picture of it and post it here.

Changing gears: I've been sore for the last month - from exercise. I'm not complaining; it's a weird kind of soreness that also feels good. I don't know that I've ever experienced that before. Having SelectHealth's gym nearby has been a huge blessing for me. For one, it's not THAT busy, so I don't feel self-conscious and two, because it's been convenient, it's been easier for me to work out more consistently. I'm definitely feeling the difference and I love it!

I still have to be pretty careful on my diet. "Beware the Carb Monster!" That's what I need to say to people when I eat carbs... they makes me turn into a jerk. Somedays its not that much of a stretch, other days it's like Jekyll and Hyde-ish. Sugar makes me crazy - I think I've said this before. Starchy carbs make me depressed. The problem is they taste so freaking good!!

Losing weight feels good and is gratifying, but it's not nearly as immediate as donut gratification, my difficulty is to maintain perspective and I have to keep asking myself, "is eating that (fill in the blank) going to help me achieve my goal?" and that helps.

Anyway, life is good. There is a lot of happiness to be had and good people to share fun times with, so all in all, I'm pretty happy at the moment.

Thoughts

I guess I don't post consistently. I have surges of frequent posting and then nothing, for weeks. I guess that is a lot like how I approach life, I get excited about something and go gung ho at it, and then the excitment wears off and I kind of drift on until I find the next thing to be excited about.

That's maybe where TV and movies come in. Movies and TV are excitement and diversion, without all the effort. I've known I'm lazy for awhile, so this doesn't surprise me. They are a good filler for when not much is happening. Speaking of TV...

I loved the end of LOST; I should say, I love how LOST ended. Who knew a sci-fi time traveling trippy series would have been so much about faith? I love that twist and I'm glad the producers/writers/actors stayed true to it throughout the last 6 years.

For me, Fringe is the new LOST. I love that show - it's still weird and sci-fi, but so much about the characters and what they deal with emotionally, that it feels like there's a real (almost) spiritual element to it. Just a great show!

Anyway, I'm just biding my time until Fall, when I start school. I have doubts as to whether or not my work will be able to accommodate my schedule, but I guess I shouldn't really worry about it. I know it will all work out the way it's supposed to.

Life takes faith and I need more practice.

I was thinking the other day how much our success in this life depends on Acceptance. I guess I mean all kinds of acceptance: accepting yourself, accepting others for who they are, accepting lifes up and downs, accepting all the things that have happened in our lives - the good and the bad, etc. I am not very good at it, but fortunately life affords much opportunity for practice.

I guess I haven't blogged too much because a lot of my time has been spent doing some introspection and learning lessons, mostly too personal to blog about. That's a good thing; the trials I am going through are teaching me a lot about myself and, little by little, I am learning to accept all that has happened, and is happening, to me.

Past life....

This is me circa 1958. I was known by the name Gerald Timothy. I'm not sure what look I was going for here... something between Colonel Sanders and Andy Griffith. The real tragedy here is having two first names for my full name and that the first one had to be "Gerald." Not an easy life, I'm telling you!

When white elephants are a sign

For some reason Elder Hales' message about self-acceptance has corresponded with quite a few messages about, and even relates to, me and dating. Dating and I have quite a history (I onced crashed a formal dance with 3 girls AT THE SAME TIME!! Yes, I've lived and I have a past NONE of you know about, which is SO another blog...). Anyway, currently, dating and I "are in a fight." We don't speak, nor have anything to do with each other. It's worked out for both of us that way for quite some time, but Elder Hales' visit and a few other messages, seem to be encouraging dating and I to "kiss and make up," so to speak. (By the way, the fact that I chose dating as a euphemism for dating either means I'm totally brilliant and witty, or I'm psychotic - it's a fine line. I'm just going to settle for "somewhat clever.")

Really what I'm building up to is the fact that something happened today that made realize that all the messages are probably NOT coincidence, and I've been trying VERY hard to keep these events in the "coincidental" category... until I won these today as a white elephant gift....

Now, if you think they are red plastic champagne flutes with hearts attached to the stem, you are totally, 100% correct. I know what you're thinking, "Those are smashing!" Okay, unless your british, you probably weren't thinking that. What I was thinking after I unwrapped them was, "Oh crap!" (well, that and "Best. White. Elephant. Gift. Ever.")

I think the only thing left is for me to get hit over the head with a stick to realize that dating and I are courting again... now the only problem left... who do I ask out? Is there a white elephant gift that can tell me that?!?